Yes, patience seems to be the hardest part of all of this.
Ok, I am really frustrated with H right now. He is so depressing! So I went with him yesterday to apply for some jobs. He went to two places and he was done!! I had like 10 different places to go to but he would only go to the two. He is being so picky. He REALLY needs to grow up. You can't be too picky when you have NO money.
I was at his apt. last night and I was just really ready to leave...I ended up leaving kind of early. I was so bored and he is so depressing. I have spent all this time working on myself and he is just the same old person. No changes, no improvements. Shouldn't it occur to him that HE is the reason he is unhappy??? For the first time I am feeling like I am not sure if I want to reconcile. I love him and I care about him...but I'm just not feeling it right now. I can't be the only one putting in the effort.
I am not calling him for a while. If he wants to call me then fine. If he needs help then fine, I have told him I will help him. But I won't constantly check on him, I won't spend my time worrying about him. I am just backing off. He can take the lead. If he untimately decides he wants to work on this then he will have to put more effort and change some things on his end too. If he isn't willing to do that then this may not work out.
Well, H just called. He got a job waiting tables/bartending. He sounded very down about it. He said he feels like the last six years is just wasted because now he is just waiting tables. I told him that sometimes finding a good job takes a while and this will just take the stress off for a little bit. He can still be looking for other jobs...now he will just have some money flow.
I guess he has to go buy some clothes for it so he asked me if I would go with him. I told him I would. He did say that he needed to change his outlook on life and try to be more positive. I agreed. It really gets to me that he is so negative and has this poor me attitude.
One more thing...so they asked him when he could start....told him he could start tomorrow. He told them he could start next Monday. Ok, he has been out of the AF for two months now. He has been doing NOTHING for two months. If I didn't have money I would have said I could start ASAP...but again, I guess that's just me.
Well, I'm glad he got a job. Hmm, that is interesting that he doesn't want to start today. I guess he's trying to take some time to work up some enthusiasm about the job?
I have definitely known some people who have his attitude about jobs and see something like that as a step down. But jobs that offer tips can be really good paying, especially bartending.
I'm glad he recognizes that he needs to be more positive. Sometimes the hardest part is just getting up and doing things. Hopefully having a new job and some things to look forward to will help. Plus he'll meet some people and hopefully make some friends.
He doesn't sound like much fun to be around lately. In a way it's good he doesn't feel the need to pretend around you, but it must be draining. It sounds like he still needs time to figure things out and get through this transition in his life. It sounds like he can use your support, but he certainly doesn't need you 24/7. You haven't really mentioned going out on your own in a while. I hope you are still doing things for yourself.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, I don't know why he didn't start today. He has had two months to work up enthusiasm. I don't see it as a step down, I just see it as an intermediate until he finds a good job. He could even go back to school and have the AF pay for it...which I don't think is a bad idea.
I am hoping he will meet some people and make friends...he really needs to do that. No, he isn't much fun to be around right now. Maybe he will get better when he is actually doing something besides sitting around all day.
You are right, I haven't really been doing things on my own lately. I really need to do that, I do feel better when I have some time to myself. I am not calling H anymore. He called me today and told me about the job...I am letting him take the lead from now on.
Amusing thought for the day: "I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." - Anonymous
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow, I had a dream about OW last night...that hasn't happened in a while. I even woke up mad at H and it just stirred all those angry feelings again. Got me to asking "How could he?" again. Anyway, I guess I am over it now.
So I haven't talked to H since he called to tell me about the job and asked me to go shopping with him this weekend. I said I wasn't going to call...but I was thinking about calling to see if he wanted to watch Lost tonight...since we have seen every episode together. I just don't think he will call and ask me. I know he won't say no if I ask him, but I am just wondering if I should or if I should stick to my guns and make him make the next move. Any suggestions?
Just a thought, but he made a big move by (excuse the pun) moving. :-P He seems to be making little progress for now, but he also has a lot going on. I know you feel like you are doing all the work and you want something from him, but if you are having doubts about whether or not to call him, that implies that you do want to see him. If you want to, go for it. You guys are creating a fun tradition with Lost and there doesn't seem to be any reason to break it. I'm in favor of calling him and hanging out, then giving him a few days to see what he does.
Just keep up that balance. Do things for yourself, work out, and see him every so often. What have you done for yourself this week?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, I haven't really done very much for myself this week. I have worked out, that's about it. Oh yeah, get this. So I live with my Mom and she has someone to come clean the house every couple of weeks. So the other day I was leaving for work and decided I needed to plug my IPod up so it would be charged when I got home. So I come home...and the IPod is gone!! The only person that had been in the house was the cleaning lady. I noticed it right when I got home because I always come home, change and then go right to the gym. I tore my room up looking for it. The only explanation is the woman stole my IPod!! Anyway, I digress...just had to get that off my chest.
Yes, I am wanting to call H. I haven't seen him since Saturday. I just don't want him to feel like I am smothering him. I can't figure out why he won't call me...but he always tells me I am not bugging him or smothering him.
As far as the tradition with Lost, it is already there. This is the fourth season and we have literally watched every episode together. I guess I see no reason to break it either.
I'm so sorry about your iPod. I hope you find it, that she just moved it. But if she really did steal it, WTF? Is there a way you can inquire either directly or through your mom if she moved it and see if you get any kind of guilty/innocent reaction from the woman?
It's been a few days, you've given him time to settle in to work and it's not like you have been checking in on him or anything, so I don't see what hurt a little phone call could do. I'm sure he has his reasons for not reaching out more, and I honestly think it's fear of rejection.
On a positive note, kudos for working out. I'm frankly jealous as I'm feeling fat and lazy with this stupid sprain. By the time I get home from work or school and get up the stairs to my apt, I don't want to do anything except lay on the couch lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
