Finding my way out of the dark

[mishka422]

Well, happy V day all!

How are you all spending your evening? I asked my S13 if he would be my Valentine. He has a project due for school tomorrow that we're going to have to work on tonight so I'm hoping that will take my mind off what H is doing with OW tonight! It's driving me nuts! I was going to make a special dinner for us tonight and then work on the project but I think I'll just pick something up on my way home or order pizza. I'm not really in the mood to cook anything.

I want so badly to wish my H a Happy V day but I know that would break my heart when he doesn't respond or just says "thx" which is typical. Praying for peace in my soul. We talked yesterday and got into a R talk which I didn't want to do but couldn't help. He keeps pushing the D so fast and I can't handle rushing it like this. I asked why he would just walk away without a fight for our M and, of course, his answer is "I don't know. I just don't feel the same." Yeah, whatever! I don't either! My H is a really strange MLCer though, he doesn't spew hatred and nasty things. He's very calm and just looks and sounds so happy now. I'm in complete misery and have an impossible time acting "as if". I fall apart every time I see him or talk to him. What strategies do you employ to keep yourselves from breaking down?

Stupid radio station is having nothing but love songs and dedications all day today. The rest of my office is loving it but I'm just sitting here at my desk crying all darned day. AWFUL!!!

Any advice about controlling emotional response would be most welcome. Also, anyone have any interesting ideas for something fun to do on a Friday night, alone? I've got to do something but don't want to go sit in the bookstore reading - I can do that at home so what's the point in that?