Looks like the ball is in your court. Unfortunately all anyone can do is listen and make sugestions. The hard work of deciding what you need to so is all yours. Judging from what you've written, you have your head screwed on right.
I always believe that what was meant to happen is the way that it was supposed to go. It's not until sometime down the road that we understand why that was. You'll be just fine!
Hi all, Like clockwork, You are ALL there for me. Hooah!
Been busy.......oh yeah, Happy Valentines'Day. The deja vu of boredom! Talk about Groundhog Day! Not a speck of red clothing here. All brown and green! I'm totally sensory deprived at this point. As a matter of fact, there's not color anywhere.I know green exists here somewhere other than uniforms and PowerPoint Slides!
It's been about 7 months since I've been able to wear civilian clothes. Makes dressing for success pretty easy. Today, for example, I got up and looked in my closet. I had a vast expanse of Uniform, Camouflage, Army, 1 each, as well as Boots, Tan, Desert environment. Yesterday, I put on the Uniform, Camouflage, Army, 1 each, as well as Boots, Tan, Desert environment. I looked in my closet, could NOT make up my mind, so I went with the Uniform, Camouflage, Army, 1 each, as well as Boots, Tan, Desert environment. But tomorrow...wait for it!!!!! Uniform, Camouflage, Army, 1 each, as well as Boots, Tan, Desert environment.
I'm going to contact Giorgio Armani when I get home, and insist that he start the "Surge Collection" of mens' wear: Uniform, Camouflage, Army, 1 each, as well as Boots, Tan, Desert environment. To give it some panache add: Blouse, Fleece, Black, Cold weather AND....Cap, Patrol!
Yes, Mattie, good reminder. Tomorrow, 15 FEB 2008 is PAYDAY. $5090 tax free dollars in the joint account. Pay, Hazardous Duty Pay, Separation Pay! $650 doesn't seem like too much for FLTC. May get wild an go up to $700!
Talking or attmepting to talk to W. is a PAINFUL experience. Her voice is usually dripping with acid, and after any sentence, I have to endure a spectrum of my "wrongness" on any issue. It hasn't changed at all. I'm sure she would immediately launch into the home visit with D17, and how it was a "step back". I did all the work to get D17 into this school, because SHE had to get out of the house. Between her drinking, and W.s vicious behavior, someone was going to get hurt.
I did call kids for VD day! (I really didn't forget!!) So, no, I didn't ask about Vietnam or Beach Camp. I will continue to write checks, and as I get closer, I will up the amount. I'm thinking she could try to live on 10K a month and her pay. If she tries to cancel the checks, I will deposit it in MY account, because I can change the destination from my desk.
I harken back to I didn't choose this. Two households are very expensive.....an awful choice except under the worst circumstances.
She can be VICIOUS. She's cast friends away forever over single comments. Case in point, a few years ago she managed D15's soccer team. The league had "Silent Sunday" one week, because parents get stupid with their yelling, so you couldn't yell. One of D15's closets friend's mom yells at her D. "C'mon Honey". My W. responds "It's Silent Sunday!". Woman replies back in a kidding manner: "Waht are you, the noise police?". That was the LAST time W. was friendly to her. That was about three years ago. Even now, she greets the woman with same -30 degree receptions! NEVER forgot it! So you can see how collecting injustices for 20 years could turn you into sulfuric acid if you were so inclined. I don't think she ever got over her college boyfriend sleeping with every one of her friends. It would come up occassionally, and I'd jsut shake my head. She threw every item he owned out of his dorm window!
Tonight is Valentines Day (It's 8PM here...oops, 2000hrs), and I spent some time looking at apartments online, getting more angry with each one I looked at. It used to be hurt, now, it's smoldering anger. It IS all so unecessary.
Bethie: It is in my court, but only if I want the game to be over! That's the only coin toss I'll win: Heads Divorce, Tails: Divorce!
AG: You're right about them going through the same emotions, but there's one difference: we would have forgiven and made it work. I read an article that said separations rarely work. It's just a chance for the LBS to "catch up" on the conveyor belt of emotion. I always put an intact family for my kids over any of my NEEDS. MY emotion needs weren't met after a while either, but it didn't matter.
Oh oh...this is turning into a rant! Don't worry, my weapon is with me but NOT loaded, and I'm not on top of my building.....I feel much better!
Amusing thought for the day: "I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." - Anonymous
I had to laugh out loud (at work mind you) about the finances thing. Maybe it's because I'm used to living on a student budget, but I can live on less than $1000 a month if I had to. So $10k!!! I don't even know what I'd do with it all! Hell, last summer when I was on state active duty orders I barely knew what to spend 4.5k a month on.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I spent some time looking at apartments online, getting more angry with each one I looked at. It used to be hurt, now, it's smoldering anger. It IS all so unecessary.
OK FLTC you ignored my last question to you buddy. You aren't ignoring this....
Uh NO, no to anger. You should be in control of YOUR emotions. Not the other way around. It's time big boy to belly up to the bar and take hold of it all. You decide what your emotional response is going to be. So are you still deciding to be angry or are you letting angry feelings decide for you?
Just like Love is a choice we all make, anger is too. So decide, what emotion to you want today, tomorrow, next week?
We've been at this way to long my friend, we both know that gaining control of our emotions is of the upmost importance so get to it.
So do I need to lob any more mortar round into your position?
Oh and BTW, good job on getting that savings account going for yourself.
Last edited by catfan; 02/14/0807:08 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Uh NO, no to anger. You should be in control of YOUR emotions.
Catfan...a follow up question. I thought anger was a normal step in the process towards acceptance. So the feeling of anger may not be as much of the issue as how one deals with the anger. Throwing everything out the window is not a healthy reaction. However, can't the anger be directed in a positive manner??? ....such as what FLTC did when he (finally) set up his own savings account. That showed CONTROLLED reaction to his anger.
I need to understand this better and hopefully FLTC won't mind the mini highjack!
Well, Mattie, I showed $650 more of anger today. Another paycheck, another deposit. Even trying to correspond with her about what the finances actually are would be so painful. She would not be civilized, and would just go on the attack. I could take the stong stand and tell her to modify her tone and pull herself together and not treat me like a doormat. I've been there. It accomplshes nothing except to elevate her anger and vitriol to a new high. Calmness on my part or escalating it and taking her on head to head get the same result. Anger and ESCALATED Anger. No patience with anything.
If I tried to explain that I'm puting money away for ME, she would say that I'm holding he kids hostage, by throwing that in her face. It really is a no win. Being dark is a self preservation tactic. The counselor I used to say had one good line for me (3K later) "Why do you settle for crumbs?" and "She had an anger issue long before she met you"
cf: My anger is not continuous, but usually event driven. As I looked at craigslist online for apartments, I harkened back to when my S9 told me with tears in his eyes: "Daddy, I don't like any of this. We can't do all the stuff we used to". Even though I was there 3 or 4 days a week, it was such a disjointed life. Three years ago, I'd get him from school, we'd do homework and then go hit hockey pucks in the street or play catch until dinner. I still do that, but, now when I went to what used to be my house, I had to do homework, run out and buy stuff for dinner, cook it, clean up, give him a bath, put him to bed, and wait for W. to come home so I could drive back to my dumpster, fall into bed, wake up and do it again. even though it's HIS perception it didn't happen as much as it used to, it's reality to him. I comfort him, try to say all the right "Wednesday and every other weekend Dad things"
Anger IS a choice, but I chose to BE angry! Not all the time, but I DO choose it. Here's why.
My anger IS directed at my W. for robbing the FAMILY of simple pleasures, for putting her needs ahead of my kids wanting an intact family over unmet "Needs" which are so easy to fix, but now that she TOLD me what the needs were, fulfilling them on my part would seem artificial, so she is "aggravated" by that. even in MC, when I made huge attempts, she did nothing to change her explosive, unreasonable personality. Given those parameters, this whole mess is so fixable, but I get the vote that doesn't count here.
You're right it is a choice. Yesterday and today, I don't feel particularly mangnanimous or forgiving. It goes in cycles, as you know.
Hill: Thare's not a day that goes by when I don't think how fortunate I am to have the privilege to wear this uniform. My infrared flag on my right should is dilapedated......just the way I like it!!
FLTC, good you are controlling anger and not letting it control you.
Matilda, that pretty much sums it up right there. Who's in control you or anger you have? Yes anger is a nature human emotion so managing it rather then letting it control you is a key not only in our situations but life in general. So accept it as an emotion use it to positive ends when it's required. Don't let it drive your response to anything, let it be a response you use and control. In other words, no "flying off the handle" type reactions.
Probably the simplest way to manage emotions is think before we speak. Simple in design yet difficult to execute but we must do it.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
So the feeling of anger may not be as much of the issue as how one deals with the anger. Throwing everything out the window is not a healthy reaction. However, can't the anger be directed in a positive manner??? ....such as what FLTC did when he (finally) set up his own savings account. That showed CONTROLLED reaction to his anger.