MLC is CRAZY!!! What a Roller Coaster!!!

[2ndnoah]

Soonerlady, I am so sorry you are here. I have not read you story, but will continue to look for it. Because I am still new to this site, I have not yet learned all the ways of using it. I find I am having a hard time tracking my threads and the ones that people reply to. I also don't understand the "locking". I guess I should go back into Newcomers and re-read all the How To's. My original story is also posted somewhere. I don't know maybe it would be easier to just re-post it.

I would have never thought in a million years this is where I would be in my life. I do not understand it. I do not understand how someone can give up everything they have and have worked for 30 years including their children and throw it all away. I am crushed and devastated. My boys are to. My sons will never be the same and I guess that’s the hardest for me. H can do anything to me, but my sons!!! In this situation, I have not been able to protect them much. I hate that. Its one thing for a stranger to say or do something to them....at least I would have control over that type of situation, but their OWN dad! He just one day walked out on us. I just have a hard time understanding that. 30 years and nothing!

My story:
It has been almost 5 months since that dreadful day. We were childhood sweethearts. Dated since 8th grade (age 14), same school, same classes, lived on the same street, four houses from one another. We dated 6 years then got married and have been married for 24 1/2 years. We have always gotten along. Supported one another in anything. He was and is my sunshine. My sunshine. Our immediate family as well as both sides of our family is really close. Everyone knows and likes each other. We always do (well did) everything together. H and I grew up together. We built our home, had 2 boys (15&19), had the white picket fence, and the "Beaver Clever" family.

A couple of years ago, H started a new higher position at his job of 23 years. He begins to change. He became more controlling, mad, frustrated, and overall nothing I could do pleased him. I went back to college (against his will) to finish my degree in teaching. He was angry. He begin to work late hours and weekends, be became more and more frustrated at me in everything I did whether it was cooking supper, my homework in my classes, my whatever. Nothing I did made him happy. I bought a Disney trip (we had never been) for a family vacation and he was mad. He went (we all went) but he was an a*s the hole time. He bi*ched the entire time. I even in amongst all this I started remodeling our home. I was a super busy person, I was taking 8 college classes (24 hours) each semester (trying to get finished), working full-time, doing the mom and wife thing, remodeling the house, etc. I feel I am to blame. Before my whole world revolved around him. I was able to give him all the attention he needed. Now, I was surviving on 3 hours of sleep (sex was still good, but I did not go to bed at the same time as him and he resented it). I believe because he felt like he was loosing control of me, he found someone else. I don't know. He has never admitted to OW but this is my idea. Who leaves their life after 30 years and never looks back????

The day he left, we had been getting along Great. My schooling was finally over, I had landed a teaching job and was loving it (3 weeks into teaching). I had time to give him attention and go places (though he did not want to do anything with me). I was getting caught up on my sleep for the first time in 2 years and going to bed at the same time as him. Life was good. Four days before he left in the middle of the night his company cell was ringing. I heard it, tried to figure how to answer it and instead stumbled across 2 voice mails of a girl saying, she just wanted to hear his voice before she went to bed…..bla, bla, bla. I then found the owners manual, figured out how to look at his address book, in and out coming calls, missed calls, etc. and discovered that calls were being made to a girl we grew up with and went to school with. I decide not to tell him. This all happened in the four days before he left. During these four days, we got along great (actually we have never really argued) we had intimate relations but……..when it would came down to doing it…..he would tell me no, he couldn’t. He would be all ready, but couldn’t. He has never, never said this to me. I knew then something was up. I did not make a big deal out of it. This happened over and over for the four days. Then on a Monday on my way out the door to go to work and take our son to school, I bent over kissed him, said for him to have a great day and that I had a surprise for him when he got home. He replied….I’m not coming home (I actually thought he was still a sleep), but still wondered and then went ahead and left for work. When I got home, no hubby. He called late that evening, said he was going to spend a week at his moms and he has never looked back since.

He has done all the book says. He is almost 46 years old and greatly MLC. He has said all the same things as the book and done all the same things as the book. He even has a new hair style. He is unemotional attached. Period. I did all the wrong things…..begged, pleated, tried to reason, rationalize, get him to understand, suggest we get counseling, etc. He went further. He is happy. He even told me that he did not understand why is was effecting me and the boys. He acts as if I am a stranger and we were never a couple. He has made all the excuses as the book says; ie. Never was happy, has been living a lie all these year, all we did was argue, he’s been unhappy for years, bla, bla, bla.

He has continued to deposit his checks, I pay the bills. I bought Christmas as normal. The boys and I continue to live as we always have just no hubby. H has withdrawn 12G out of savings. I have not even addressed this issue. H has pushed since day one for a D. I have used every excuse to avoid it. It is coming to an end, I know it. I do not want a D. I do not believe in D unless there is physical abuse. I don’t want this I want my hubby and my life back. My life has been turned upside down. I miss him so. My heart is broken.