Piecing? Sexual issues? hmm...not sure

[hopeforfuture]

If I remember corrrectly, the boots stayed on, but not much else.

Why is this thread in the sex-starved marriage forum?

[Sara]

I don't know, but I bet there are a lot of guys heading for the cold showers now.

[ann25]

LOL... too funny. Doesn't sound much like you guys have a SSM problem.

mom of 2- FWIW - I didn't really have feelings of missing OM afterwards, but it took me a while to get back feelings for H. My A ended just over 5 months ago and I'm just now starting to get into it like i should be. i did a whole lot of the fake it til you make it thing. Also - I didn't have sex on my wedding night... seems like that happens alot.

I think for me, it was hard to see that i didn't want my H, but didn't know how to fix it. I could see a good looking guy and appreciate that, but for some reason, i couldn't find that in my own H.

The easiest way for me to kill the feelings for OM was to realize that any man that wanted me while I was still M and accepted that, probably wasn't an amazing choice for me. Also, every time thoughts of him crossed my mind or i was reminded of him by something, i'd immediately try to think of something else, some wonderful thing I have with H, something that only H can/has given me or change the song/radio station, channel, whatever if that triggered it.

I literally made a concious decision to do as i would do if i were in love and felt that desire for H. Something that helped (though i didn't think I would be able to when i first read it) was something Corri said to me in my own thread here...

Attraction... is... I'm sorry... created. In MY mind. I can smell the pheremones, just like anyone else. But just because I could fck you... doesn't mean I can't... create it, when it is called for. The person with whom you are married, at one time, stopped you short. You can find that again. You just have to look for it. In the crook of their arm... the swell of their bossom... the small of their back... the chisel in the jaw... their eyes... their smell... find it.

seriously, find it... there is something about that wonderful man that kept you around all that time. Something that only he has and something, whether you realize it or not, that can keep you wanting more.

Hopeforfuture - i think it's awesome that you have gone through this and are here still fighting for your M.

I wish the very very best to both of you.

[Crazy Eddie]

So would y'all say that losing feelings for your H happened before you became open to an affair? Or did it seem more like losing feelings for H happened because of the affair?

[Mom of 2 Cherubs]

definitely happened before the affair. In my sitch the affair was a result of things not being "what they should" be in my M. I didn't have the loving feelings for my H and this OG ignited something. I've noticed attractive men, I've been hit on by them and all of that but when things were ok between me and H it didn't matter.

I've had ups and downs with my feelings for H and this was was a real down and I got deeply involved. I ONLY want things to go up and stay up so this is never even a passing thought. it husrts way too much. Hurts me, hurts H, hurts OG - it just sucks.

[Mom of 2 Cherubs]

hmm...that is very encouraging to think we could do that to others. I never really thought of as a hot couple. hmmm

[hopeforfuture]

Ann,
Thanks for posting. I'm gonna have to go back and read about your situation. I'm glad to hear that you are on your way to fixing things with H.

LOL... too funny. Doesn't sound much like you guys have a SSM problem.

I think the problem has been more of my W's loss of attraction and just getting things started. Once the ball is rolling, I think we do pretty well. (Especially over the past few weeks)

Hopeforfuture - i think it's awesome that you have gone through this and are here still fighting for your M.

I wish the very very best to both of you.

Thanks Ann. I Love My Wife. (Happy Valentines Day!!)
I really do believe that R will be better than before and I want us to be a source of inspiration for our kids.

[Sara]

I have found that it is important to keep things fun in the bedroom. A good male friend gave me advice when my husband was cheating. He told me to buy the sexiest lingerie I could find and to do everything I knew how to turn my husband on. I figured a man must know, so the battle of the bedroom began. I bought a very sexy black bra and "naughty" panties from Frederick's of Hollywood, with the thigh high black fishnet stockings and high heels. And while H was taking a bath, I put it on in my closet, and came out looking like an over-the-hill playboy bunny. He looked shocked for a moment. But he got out of the tub pretty quickly and we had very hot sex that night.

I now have a collection of little nothings from Frederick's and I will never wear them out, because they are never on for more than a few minutes! On his birthday I bought the bellydancer costume and, since I take bellydance class, I practiced a number and did a little bellydance for him. Tonight's Valentine's Day, so I guess I'll wear the red outfit.

This has really been a wonderful, fun thing for two old married people. If this is what they mean by "marriage takes work", I don't mind.

[ann25]

Crazy Eddie - For me, I lost attraction for my H long before any A, long after i had given up on the M.

I've noticed attractive men, I've been hit on by them and all of that but when things were ok between me and H it didn't matter.

This is me too. I still struggle with this from time to time now, I don't want it to matter and it doesn't near as much now.

[hopeforfuture]

I now have a collection of little nothings from Frederick's and I will never wear them out, because they are never on for more than a few minutes!

I'm sure they would get worn out quicker if they were torn off.

Tonight's Valentine's Day, so I guess I'll wear the red outfit.

This has really been a wonderful, fun thing for two old married people. If this is what they mean by "marriage takes work", I don't mind.

Work hard and have fun tonight.