Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

I know it doesn't do any good to talk about her, I know that she is an emotionally damaged person herself (her own father walked out on her family when she was 11, her last relationship was an abusive one, and she has done some extremely damaging things to my children, even though she has never spent time with them).

But how do I ignore all of these things when I know my husband is going to start bringing her around my kids? She is living with him full time. It's basically like he's married again. He hardly EVER takes the kids on his weekends, because that means that she has to leave and go stay at her mom's house. And if he does take them, he takes them for one night only, not both nights of the weekend.

I KNOW she does not really want his kids around, but she's playing the part of the good little wifey. She's feeding him crap about me, telling him that I am a bitch (he told me that), that I am just trying to delay the divorce to hold onto him (well, yeah), and telling him that I'm just a bad mom. She actually told someone that if I can't be bothered with the kids, then THEY "will just take custody of the kids." Huh? I know that comment came about because my son wanted to play soccer, his dad signed him up but now wants nothing to do with it, we have two other children, it is physically impossible for me to be in three places at once, but when I ask his father to take him, she talks crap about me because it interfered with her plans for the evening.

Why can't he see that?

I know, I know, I KNOW I have to quit focusing on that, on his relationship with her, but dear Lord, it is hard.

Even though it has been a year since he moved out, he didn't serve me until June and we have not yet made it to court, even for temporary orders. It's been postponed or rescheduled several times due to one lawyer's illness, paperwork not being turned in on time, etc., etc. He had been paying all the bills, but then started cutting back drastically in Sept. or Oct. His parents (who barely speak to him and are outraged at his continued behavior and lack of feeling and responsibility toward his kids) have bought me groceries on several occasions. It's embarrassing. He's a DOCTOR, for heaven's sake! When we went to mediation in Nov. he refused to pay even enough to cover the mortgage and basic bills and kids' activities. That's why it was scheduled for a hearing.

<sigh> We were supposed to go to court yesterday for temporary orders, but it was rescheduled yet again. Then he called me and said he wanted to meet with me. Thought we needed to talk. Sounded normal, even friendly. I asked my in-laws and a friend what they thought, and even called my lawyer. They all said to at least listen to what he had to say.

So, we met. Basically he wants me to settle everything with him instead of going to court. Promising to play nice if I do things his way, but hardball if I insist on going forward with the court case. Told me that no matter which way I take it, he will have his divorce finalized by June and there is nothing I can do about it.

How do I respond to these bullying (although presented in a nice voice, promising that his motive was to save the money for me and the kids instead of wasting it on lawyers) tactics?

What is the DB'ing thing to do? I know he expects me to fight it, so do I give in? Do I give him the divorce he seems to so desperately want right now?

Or do I continue to hold out, hoping that with enough time and prayer, he will change his mind?

I'm also so torn about what to do about getting a job and putting the house on the market. Friends who have gone through recent divorces say not to start working until after a divorce is final, because that could affect my ability to receive spousal support. (Texas is the WORST place to get divorced. The laws all favor the good 'ol boys.) Spousal support here is NOT mandatory, and if it is ordered, it is for a maximum of $2500 a month for a maximum of 3 years. And those are the MAXIMUMS, not the guaranteed amt.

So, what do I do? I'm torn between getting out and working again, doing something that I really used to enjoy (teaching elem. school), and trying to do what's best for my kids---being the really available stay-at-home mom I've always been for them for as long as I possibly can, and not jeapordizing my chance to get spousal support.

I feel so lost and confused.

Any support, advice, kick in the pants, whatever....would be appreciated.