She said she wasn't asking me to stop caring about her, just to no longer be married to her.
Yes, I believe this is really what most WAS want. They want you to still "like" them, to not be "mad at" them, to "cherish" them. They want you to "be their friend."
I'm not very good at all this DB stuff, but I think you err when you talk to her about your feelings. That is why you are getting the neutral tone responses from her. Don't talk about your feelings! Even if you've given up on the DBing, stop it!!!! She is not capable of understanding at this point. She is too wrapped up in her own pain to feel yours. And all it does is cause you more pain. Did you enjoy that dagger to your heart? I think not. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
Frank, make a goal to accomplish ONE thing today for yourself that will benefit YOUR life. Finish a work project. Talk constructively to one of your partners. Do that computer stuff you do so well. Do what you do best. Aces, Frank. Think aces.
I know you need to process all of this, but PREVENT yourself from talking to anyone of your support people until you finish something concrete for yourself. FOCUS (Sorry, I know you hate that.) Really focus. Use the 20 minute interval that we talked about. Do nothing that will inflict more pain on to yourself.
The last time you went through all of this, your W began to "wake up" when you got strong, GAL, if you will, and when it became apparent to her that you were LETTING GO. Remember that when you started making it easy for her to leave, she began to want to stay. Making no noticeable financial improvements, having talks about your "feelings", checking up on her every move does nothing except make her want to leave more. AND, more importantly to me, it does nothing to improve your life.
Take care of Frank and so much of this will become so much easier for you. I promise.
Prayers forthcoming for you today. I will pray that you have strength and clarity today.
Hugs,
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
