Loving a WAS isn't easy

[mymonkeybug]

Bryan-

I totally lost it yesterday. Told H at the end of the school year the kids and I would be moving out of state and starting OUR new lives elsewhere to which he wasn't happy but knows I will do whatever is in the best interest of the kids. I basically insisted we start by him getting most of his stuff out of here soon and that we should start seperating bills now to which he asked why now why not save some money and keep the bills the way they are for now to which I informed him that we might as well start out with the small atuff now because in a fe months we will both have to put out $3000-$5000 each to hire lawyers since he, "Hasn't loved me in years!" and his new life is so great because he, "Doesn't have to rush home to his family." He seemed a bit disturbed by all this but at the same time fought back with the above comments. I was very civil and NEVER raised my voice or said anything derogitory to hom or about him. It felt yesterday like I was at my lowest and had no choice but to make that call. I realize this may not be the best DB'ing technique but I feel I am at the end here and floundering for air. I guess what I did was let go of the rope. He said he would gladly share with me what he has been doing and where he has been staying and going but I told him not to worry about it that all that is part of his new happier life without his family and that I wouldn't ask. He still also insists there is no one else and hasn't been anyone else. I guess I am just at the stage of feeling defeated and hopeless.

So anyway I am now going totally dark. Like a LRT. I do believe he is very worried about me leaving in June with the kids and I told him that if managed somehow to get the money together to hire himself a lawyer to do what he needs to do in that regard but asked that he please not fight me and demand I stay in the state but that if he did I wouldn't be able to fight him back on that one as I have no $$$ for a L. I believe he will come to his senses when either he has to come here to sign the sales contract to list the house or when it sells and he is here helping me load a UHAUL and watchin his wife and children drive off to a new life somewhere else in the country. This new party hardy life and clubbing and bar hopping life will get old eventually and he will start to miss the family he enjoys not rushing home to now but by then it may be too late.