Battlefield of the mind

[cat03]

I guess the agreement was another form of me keeping tabs on him, yea, pretty ridiculous since we 've been married and he was doing all that crap.

Let him man-up the way he CAN.
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I have been in my H's business for so long that it is so hard to let him do things his own way, arghh!!! I need a lobotomy

I brought up separation grudgingly, I guess deep in the bottom of my heart I was expecting him to react on my time and make up his mind soon... well,there has to be a sound mind to make up and right now there isnt' one, he's still trying to find his place in this world and I want him to hit the ground running.

Going dark is harder than i thought.Well, we sort of are going dark by force since he's still without a cell. Better this way perhaps, should teach me to stop willing him to call me, hoping for that ring on my phone. Unless he find his cell or for some strange reason uses a pay phone we wont' talk until monday, that'd be the longest we'd ever gone without talking to each other.

What is getting to me now is his T's councel, that he shouldn't be "leading me on" if there is a chance we wont' work out, doesnt' that sound fatalist and pretty much "why bother if this might not fly"? Our MC believed that MCing and T go hand in hand, but his T seems to be going the other direction.
OK OK, so he needs to fix himself before anything can happen in our M, and yes, this is out of my hands, I just don't like the T's methods. I do understand that T or no T H will come to me if he truly wants to regardless, but I wonder if this T will make things harder for him to fight for us.

Perhaps I should see a C myself, the one I really liked. Today I learned the wonderful lady who cared for my children died after a 5day coma, it struck me terribly, she had so much to give and had so much energy and gave so much of herself to the children. It made me look at things from another angle for a chance and see how much promise each day brings and how I waste my time in fruitless rummiation. Thanks again for talkign sense into me, I will again be the leach of the board, thanks for being here for me.