It has been a long time since I have posted last. In summary, XW left 1 3/4 years ago, we were separated for 6+ months (during which time I did EVERYTHING possible to effect reconciliation)before she filed. I found out (she never told me) that she had become involved and moved in with OM during that time. D was final 6/07 and XW subsequently married the OM as soon as his D was finalin late '07. OM is now on his 4th marriage to my XW and is 18 years older. Just tip of the iceberg here...
I was devastated by the S and D and her affair which by her own admission started before she made her final dicision to file. I know I made all the usual mistakes men make that led to a WAW situation and made many of those that lead to D (pursuing, acting desperate, etc.) It took me a long while to stop thinking about it esp. since I was the one who didn't have the choice so to speak.
I have had very, very little contact with XW over the last year (no kids involved) and met a great new gal about 6 weeks ago. The 2 of us have become very comfortable and couple-like since. I had felt "free" of the whole situation and confident in myself without the XW the last few months or so. I thought it was finally OVER.
Problem is, like Al Pacino in "Godfather 3", I keep getting pulled back in to some extent with reminders that i cannot control. First of all, my new GF has an intense desire to know and has looked things up about my XW on the internet and through legal channels (she is an atty.) She sometimes has a hard time dealing with the fact that "SHE" used to live here, etc., etc.
Secondly, I received a letter 2 weeks ago from my XW's lawyer (I was pro se) stating that I owed her more money and goods from previous settlememnt agreement disputes I thought were long resolved (won't bore you with the details). As I've said, I have heard nothing from my XW about even a few property items the decree said she would pick up as well as some loose ends about insurance rebates that occurred afterwards.
Needless to say, this has all been a major buzzkill to say the least. I wrote the lawyer back explaining everything and asking to be left alone and haven't heard anything since.
All in all, it is just such a waste. My XW's new H is still embroiled in legal disputes with his 3rd XW over attys fees, so i wonder if that prompted my X to go back to her former lawyer. I don't know...
The last thing I want to do is be reminded of any of it...
First of all, my new GF has an intense desire to know and has looked things up about my XW on the internet and through legal channels (she is an atty.) She sometimes has a hard time dealing with the fact that "SHE" used to live here, etc., etc.
MJP
Ugh.
I picked this quote because this is a huge red flag to me, especially in someone you've only been dating for six weeks.
Please step back from this personal situation of yours, free it from the rest of the baggage, and imagine hearing about this from a friend.
She (my GF) just wants to know, as anyone would, that the X is not going to re-enter the picture somehow...I can't blame her for that. I may have mis-stated her "desire to know" about the X; problem is, she has some "friends" who seem to love giving unsolicited advice and sending email links to my x's business website etc. It is amazing how much some people, under the guise of "just trying to help," peversely enjoy tearing things down to make themselves feel/look better. I know Michelle talks about that phenom in her book.
It doesn't help that my X has apparently kept my last name despite being re-married. Of course, I have no control over that or anything else as all you LBS's out there know all too well.
I know all the usual warnings about not getting into a new relationship as a means of compensating for the past, so please don't give me the tired advice about getting emotionally free first. I truly do know all that and it wasn't an issue until (almost on cue) these references came up.
I don't know what I can do about it. I have to tell any new person in my life the truth about being D'd, don't I? Considering I have lived alone for almost 2 years now, I have to be allowed to have interest in someone new...
