I can understand the idea that you may not have been ready for it.
Sara, this is what I wrote in my brief note to the Retrouvaille co-ordinators to explain why we left. 'We are not ready for Retrouvaille'
Some of the problem for me was likely the environment. When I am in a high emotional state I really need to leave, and the tight weekend structure just didn't accomodate that need. But it still boils down to the same thing -- we were not ready for Retrouvaille. I think if we'd been further along in reconciliation H would have been able to respond to me and head me off before it reached such a crisis. One of the first questions asked at Retrouvaille on the Friday evening session was 'what were your feelings this afternoon?' My answer was "discouragement, pessimism" and that was related to some strong thoughts that had come up for me as I was preparing for our trip, about events during the EMA. H answer was 'helplessly tired', wishing he could just relax over the weekend instead of doing Retrouvaille. But he was also 'intrigued' and prepared to work once he was there. When I told H why I was discouraged and pessimistic he just stuck his head under the covers. It wouldn't have taken a lot to have encouraged me, just a hug and a warm smile would have done it, but it didn't happen. H is not capable of being empathetic with my feelings around the EMA, he gets defensive instead. This is generally un-H-like behavior, BTW. He is a very compassionate person otherwise, especially to me.
