Noles, My feeling is to not cause unnecessary hurt and to put the affair behind you. The exception to this is if your W starts asking questions and seems suspicious of something, or asks you directly; at that point, I do feel the truth needs to come out. And this may occur if you allow the guilt to cause behavioral changes that she notices. If I were you, I would go to a counselor to work through the guilt, as well as address the issues that precipitated the affair in the first place.
Miss IC, I feel you had a sixth sense of things, and I agree it is a good thing that this secret came out. I know in my sitch I started putting the pieces together and there came a point where I needed to know, and it was a relief, as strange as that seems. Everything suddenly made sense.
