I moved out of the bedroom Sunday which seems to be working well and giving her space.I think it showed a lot of respect for her on my side.
Personally, i think it shows her "you are preparing to be legally separated/divorced".
Going to the separate rom may be the appropriate thing to do, at this point in time. But I would suggest not viewing your moving to a separate room, as somehow a "positive" thing in her eyes. I dont think it's a "pat yourself on the back for doing something good" kind of thing.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Nor do I think you should be doing "last resort/going dark".
"Not clinging/pursuing": yes
"Giving her space": yes
"Deliberately Avoiding her and not talking to her at all": no
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I am not going dark just detaching, giving lots of space and I am not avoiding her at all, we all have dinner together every night. I have been shocking the sh** out of her by doing the dishes and helping with landry. She also helped me with my bed sheeting this morn.
I am not going dark just detaching, giving lots of space and I am not avoiding her at all, we all have dinner together every night. I have been shocking the sh** out of her by doing the dishes and helping with landry. She also helped me with my bed sheeting this morn and asked about my day.
I moved out of the room to give her space and respect and i explained that to her. She was clinging to the side of the bed so she didn't have to be near me and we were sleeping nude, as usual, which was driving me nuts. I wanted to touch her arm or hold her hand which she would do but not enjoy.
The things that are coming out of her mouth are unbeleivable these days. Really scary stuff. Stay in touch, I love your comments.
Let's not over-analyze your situation. Moving into the guest room is a nice 180 - you are showing her respect, giving her space and now getting a good night's sleep. No need to let her pick a fight with you each night before you go to bed.
If she questions you on the move to the guest room, just tell her that you do not want to separate, you just wanted to give her space.
I took your advise and told W that the Bozo MC was more of a DC than MC. I told her I never wanted to see him again and he should have never pushed her like that. I told her in no uncertin terms that I am not ready to give up on us and do not want to be seperated or D and explained was not in the best interests of anyone and we needed time to work on things. i was very clear and asked her not to respond but just think about my words. Things have been very calm in the house since I moved out of the bedroom, no arguments, no R talk, pretty mellow.
Well two things can happen now. She gives it another shot or she goes right to the lawyer and files. What do you thing. Please keep in touch I enjoy your wisdom.
Well two things can happen now. She gives it another shot or she goes right to the lawyer and files. What do you thing. Please keep in touch I enjoy your wisdom.
Personally, I think you did the right thing.
Whatever she does next... dont panic, either way. that's the main thing.
IF things calm down after a week, and IF she doesnt make continued big D noises... you might ask her then, if it would be ok for you to sleep in your regular bed again with her.
"giving her space", while she's extremely angry and wound up, is a good idea. But continuing to keep distance, if that wears off, may not be. it's a tough call to make, though. you have to be able to read her very well, to judge if she will take it well.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Thanks for your thoughts. I feel good about my actions but I have a gut feeling that she will be talking to the lawyer soon about seperation. I am learning not to assume. I am also getting really good at not argueing and asking for time out if she brings up a tough subject. I am giving her lots of space. My gut also tells me that the OM is lurking but I am not going to worry about what I can not control. I have also been the one to end phone and text conversations sooner than they should which I can tell she does not like. She likes me to carry on until she says she has to go. I am learning man, but it is tough. I really appreciate your support and thoughts. Happy V Day.
Thanks for your thoughts. I feel good about my actions but I have a gut feeling that she will be talking to the lawyer soon about seperation. I am learning not to assume. I am also getting really good at not argueing and asking for time out if she brings up a tough subject. I am giving her lots of space. My gut also tells me that the OM is lurking but I am not going to worry about what I can not control. I have also been the one to end phone and text conversations sooner than they should which I can tell she does not like. She likes me to carry on until she says she has to go. I am learning man, but it is tough. I really appreciate your support and thoughts. Happy V Day.
Thanks for your thoughts. I feel good about my actions but I have a gut feeling that she will be talking to the lawyer soon about seperation. I am learning not to assume. I am also getting really good at not argueing and asking for time out if she brings up a tough subject. I am giving her lots of space. My gut also tells me that the OM is lurking but I am not going to worry about what I can not control. I have also been the one to end phone and text conversations sooner than they should which I can tell she does not like. She likes me to carry on until she says she has to go. I am learning man, but it is tough. I really appreciate your support and thoughts. Happy V Day.
