I was thinking about you while i was riding my bicycle, and I remembered another very strong Greek woman... Penelope. Maybe she can be our role model while we are besieged by suitors while our men are off on their own odyssey.
This is a song I like by STING and Mary J Blige. Previous week has been awful for many but this one is already much better. (Do not miss the last six lines)
Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way I'm calling out your name
Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon Whenever this world has gotten so strange I know that something's gonna change Something's gonna change
Whenever I say your name, Whenever I say your name, I'm already praying, I'm already praying I'm already filled with a joy that I can't explain Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep Whenever I'm on the floor Whatever it was that I believed before Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying
Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I'm paralyzed with fear Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together
Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way I'm calling out your name
Whenever this dark begins to fall Whenever I'm vulnerable and small Whenever I feel like I could die Whenever I'm holding back the tears that I cry
Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face I'm already praying Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I'm forced to lie awake and have to weep Whenever I'm on the floor Whatever it was that I believed before Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying
Whenever I say your name, No matter how long it takes, One day we'll be together
Whenever I say your name, Let there be no mistake That day will last forever
I have been doing most of the staff on my list of goals. I have being really really quiet. He has been calling the last couple of days but is backing off. I said so before, I think he is wondering but I definetely can't see him worrying he is loosing me. I believe he will pretty soon adapt to the new communication rules I set. Just the way he is...
Today he had the day off so we arranged that he could spend the afternoon with the kids. I asked him to stay longer because I had planned to see my girlfriend from Paris (I didn't tell him why, I just said I would appreciate it if he would stay with them until 20:00-21:00). He agreed, so later when my girlfriend cancelled I had to stay at work longer so that I wouldn't look as if I cancelled it for him. He was at our home, watching TV, he had bought my S shoes which I asked him to, only he bought 3 pairs!!!. I told him there all great (they were) and was upbeat and distant friendly. After 30 minutes he left. When I came in the office, I saw he used my PC. I got really upset because I keep my diary in here and I am wondering what he saw or read. Even my mail account. Thankfully there wasn't much here that would make me look bad, just desperate and needy, and lonely and etc. etc.(yeah, I know it sucks!). I am wondering if his reaction to mine means I am doing the wrong thing. I don't know. I'll continue for the time being. Tommorow is Vday as you all know. I have no problem, but I can't help thinking whether he will be celebrating it with someone or not... I would definitely do something ballsy if I wasn't going dark/grey on him. But, no... I am buying myself flowers, I know that...
T, I can't be Penelope, if I were her I would probably had given up a long before my beloved came home (20 years!!)
Seekpeaceofmind, you are right. The dinstiction between doing things for me and the kids and for him to notice is fine and difficult. I figured one way or the other I will be busy and get out of the state I were 3 days ago...
Ali, yes I'll be 37 on March 3rd and I would love to have a party for my Bday. When is yours?
I liked it! It made me a bit sad though, as I feel very committed to my BF and I would wait an eternity. But ask me again in a few months time, who knows, if things continue in this vain, its so hard. Its my anniversary today,well, was. I also wasnt sure whether to reach out, send a text or something, or tommorow, on V day, but I havent, I guess I feel silly and shouldnt. Are you planning to contact your H tommorow, or not??
Well done on sticking to your goals, I will try and write mine, I stuck to one too (to go biking). A party!? Wow, you are resolving to get on regardless, good for you Kalni. My birthday is March 10th...we always used to go see animals (my favourite thing to do, although not in zoos!). He often arranged surprise visits for me to do this on the day, so I guess I should take myself off to do that instead this year. I think there is an animal shelter 1/2 hour away, I could visit and walk the dogs...
Ali x _______________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 3 months on
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hi Ali, I read in your thread it was your anniversary. I didn't know what to say to you so I kept quiet. But guess what? We never knew our "get together" anniversary either. We were not quite sure what the date was, 3 or 4 August 1996? (wow). And we never got to celebrate our wedding anniversary (long story).
I will celebrate my bday, no matter what. I owe that to ME.
No, I will not contact him on Vday. He is not my Valentine any more. My Valentine would be caring and tender and loving and comforting and at least familiar, he is a stranger. And most importantly he is NOT MINE!! Right? Next year I will celebrate. Take care, xxxxx Kalni
Kalni, I liked the song - I always love anything by Sting.
You're doing a great job sticking to your goals. Keep it up!!!
Valentine's Day will be very difficult. This year I have no expectations so I really can't be too disappointed. However, I also do wonder if my H will be celebrating with OW.
Hopefully your H didn't go through your diary. I always try to make sure I hide anything I don't want H looking at before he comes over.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
You are doing a great job of DB - and you are so strong looking after yourself and your kids! I really think you are going to be able to draw H back to you... being patient will be the hardest thing I think.
Kalni, I loved the song too, it just made me feel needy again. I had a poster of the Police hangin in my college dorm room over 20 years ago. UGH! I'm getting old. At least I'm hot at 41, I finally realized that.
If your H is anything like mine, he didn't read your diary. I could hit my H up the side of the head with one, tell him to read it, and he still wouldn't.
I 've been "away" for a little while. Trying to figure out what to do next. If I want to keep going or If I'd just quit. Haven't made up my mind yet. I am no good company to be around these days, I am afraid. We are expecting a snowstorm here tonight, I may have to work tommorow. I don't care, whatever... Thanks for stopping by, I will be posting soon, sometime tonight... Take care all
PS There is another song by Sheryl Crow & Sting, "always on your side" It fits my thinking...
I 've been "away" for a little while. Trying to figure out what to do next. If I want to keep going or If I'd just quit. Haven't made up my mind yet. I am no good company to be around these days, I am afraid. We are expecting a snowstorm here tonight, I may have to work tommorow. I don't care, whatever... Thanks for stopping by, I will be posting soon, sometime tonight... Take care all
PS There is another song by Sheryl Crow & Sting, "always on your side" It fits my thinking...
I think I know how you feel Kalni. I have been doing a lot of thinking the last week. Trying to figure out if it is worth trying anymore. Trying to figure out if H really ever loved me the way I deserve to be loved. Trying to figure out if the last 20 some years have been a bunch of lies. Maybe our attitudes mean the two of us are finally starting to detach. The problem is every time I think I'm starting to detach, H does something that makes me think there is hope.
