Well, H called me yesterday. I didn't pick up the phone just let it go to voice mail. My friend was very proud of me for that. H still hasn't gotten HR to correctly separate his check so H had to call me to see about transferring his share of his check. I did as he asked and just left him a voice message telling him that I had transferred the money and to have a nice weekend (in the sweetest voice I could muster).
How do you survive when H is living with OW? He's all happy go lucky while I'm at home taking care of the house, kids, bills, etc. and he's out having the time of his life with his fantasy girl! How do I continue while he's doing this and try to be happy? It really gets to me sometimes.
How long have some of you endured this behavior? Sometimes I think I should just listen to one of my sisters in law and some of my friends and just pack it in and let him have his life and go on about my own life. But, I just can't I love my H. I want my old H back not the teenage, juvenile A$$hole.
He has shurked his "physical" responsibilities to his S's. He rarely talks to S19, talks to S15 more often but rarely sees either of them. I tried to explain to him that they just need him around. He doesn't have to interact with them they just need the security of knowing that Dad is there for them when they need him. He's taken away so much of their security and happiness. How can anyone do this to his own children?
S15 is taking his ACT test today so I'm going to go walk in the park by the University while he takes his test. It's a beautiful day here!
I believe that slowly but surely I am getting stronger. I just wish I could lose some weight! I've been working out regularily but I need to watch my diet much closer. It would make me feel REALLY good if I lost weight and H finally noticed me.
I skimmed over your thread. Not much time to post.
You are having all the same feelings that most of us have had here. Your h is a classic MLC, just as mine was. I think you are doing the right thing by not contacting your h. Let him be, let him spin.
He sounds like he is doing about the same thing that my h did with withdrawing from all those close to him. It's all a part of the MLC dance.
You really sound like you are doing well. Keep it up! Don't forget to GAL!!!!!
I spoke with L yesterday. He said that I need to hire a P.I. to have proof of the A. I probably won't get much alimony and if I do it won't be for long. 20 yrs I've been with this man. Our S's and I did without him to further his career and OW gets the rewards! SKANK!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! H is even fixing up the place she lives (which I believe belongs to her XH) with our money!!
H & I are selling our investment property at the end of this month. H will have extra cash to file for D at that time. I hope he doesn't but I think he will. I think OW is encouraging him.
L told me to start rat-holeing money now because I probably won't get any from the D. I really don't want to do this. I feel like it's dishonest. What do I do?
H is rushing back to our home state so he can spend Valentine's Day with OW. It hurts so bad. He has thrown away our M and our family for what? A younger woman!? Some days the anger is so strong. Other days I can handle the sitch better.
I've been working on me. I've been praying a lot. Trying to act like life is great for me. Some days I even believe it. But, all I want is H to come home and tell me that he's sorry for all the pain he's caused and that he is in love with me. I guess with Valentine's Day being tomorrow and my 20th anniv. in 2 weeks I'm feeling REALLY REALLY depressed. I even started crying Monday when I was working out!
You Lawyer told you to squirrel away money. That's coming from a legal source, I don't think I am going to suggest going against advice from your lawyer unless it was your Lawyer pushing you to D. If you're having problems and think this is dishonest...well it might be, however let me use your own words to strenghten your resolve:
Quote:
Our S's and I did without him to further his career and OW gets the rewards! SKANK!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! H is even fixing up the place she lives (which I believe belongs to her XH) with our money!!
Do what your lawyer says. DB is for yourself and to save your marriage, but not at the cost of protecting yourself either.
Holidays suck, better to be busy on them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
One other thing. I'm wondering why your lawyer thinks you won't get anything. And I don't know about your state, but in mine proving adultery only gets you divorced faster, it has NO effect on finances or custody issues.
If you don't like what you're hearing or think it's not right, by all means get a second opinion.
Protecting yourself does NOT mean you want to be divorced.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
L says that since I make more than $20K then I don't have "need". There was a case here that the woman made $20K and the judge thought she didn't "need" any alimony thus it has set a precidence.
H is only LEGALLY responsible to pay child support until S15 is 18 (he'll be 16 next month). Also, right now legally he doesn't have to help with S19 that still lives at home and goes to college at all. Legally, H doesn't have to maintain any health insurance on S's either after they are 18. Will he? I'd like to think he will. But right now he's not wanting to be responsible for anything. However, he does pay for house note and bills. He's living in his fantasy world with OW and loving every minute of it. So, I need to make sure that I can cover those expenses for my S's after H is not longer legally responsible for them. If H gets married to OW then he will have to deal with helping raise her 3 young kids.
I can get the D faster and that is what H wants. However, L thinks that I would get SOME alimony with proof of A but not much and not for long.
I have thought about getting a second opinion. But each time I talk with an attorney it's $250.
