Hi Addie...she's friends with him too. Her H knows whats going on...but yes you are right. She has spoken to my H and today I told her I needed her to not "talk" to him anymore.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm looking for some specific advice... I posted this in it's separate thread but someone suggested I post here instead...
H has been spending nights sleeping at his parents apt. but comes home to get clean clothes and of course drop off dirty clothes. What should I do in this case. How do I tell him I'm NOT doing his laundry??? Or should I not even make it an issue. I mean if he wants out of our R why should I continue to do what I have always done such as laundry???
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
So H comes to say hi today with the news that he has 2 potential apartments to rent. I told him to go and I hoped that he'd get his stuff out of here soon. He was a bit taken aback. I told him that although I didn't want the D that maybe it was best for him to move out.
Then I sunk into the "but why" crap! I was doing so well for about 20 minutes. I tried not to make him feel guilty but I don't think I succeeded. I'm worked up and can't seem to settle down. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
We all slip from time to time. You have to try to calm yourself down and start to detach. Give him the space he wants. Begging him, trying to reason with him will not help right now and will only push him further and further away from your M.
If you can get your hands on the book Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner-Davis I suggest you read it. It will help you to understand what H may be going through and will give you some ideas about how to proceed. Try to find one or two things you can do for yourself. Also keep yourself busy with your D. This will help you to detach and get your mind off R (at least for a while).
I'm also going through a rough week. I know that H is more actively pursuing a R with OW. I have a lot of anger about what he's done but I've tried not to let it show in the last couple of weeks.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
You're right Addie. We all slip and I'm sure it's more common that I realize. It's just so hard to see him leaving.
I'm sorry to hear that your H is more active in his R with OW. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I have snooped too much and it's not healthy. I made myself promise not to even touch his cell or laptop.
I have a friend travelling to Miami soon and I've asked him if he can get both Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting for me. Hopefully within the next 2 weeks.
**** Deleted by sg/referenced book is NOT RECOMMENDED, and can be damaging to your R****
I was trying to see if I could fine Michelle's to download but no luck so far.
Last edited by sgctxok; 02/14/0808:14 PM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Jen, The first chapter of DR is on this forum. It is located just beneath the Newcomers thread. If you haven't already done so, you may want to read it.
I know how difficult it is to see H leave. This Friday will be 4 weeks that we've been separated.
If you feel taken advantage of by doing his laundry since he's not really there, then let him know that but try to remain calm when you tell him and try to not put him on the defensive. (I know it's sometimes hard to do).
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I guess we're on a similar time frame then. It's been about 3 weeks for our S. I wonder if it gets any easier Addie?
It does - The first few weeks or months seem like an eternity. You never really get used to it, but eventually things change and settle down.
Everyone's situation is so very different - It's impossible to know if you'll see improvements, or at least, things that make it all bearable, in a reasonable period of time.
Check my thread - It goes back to the end of September. We had maybe six weeks of chaos before that. You're probably still in that 'this is new, and I have no idea what I'm doing' stage.
I started to read DR and it had a noticeable effect within a day or two. My W and I have a pretty decent R right now - Not perfect, but we do things together every day and talk all the time. Only had one fight in four months - And that was diffused pretty quickly (turns out I was DB'ing and 'letting go' when I should have been doing things for her - You never get it right all the time).
