I did what you suggested I called her and told her (almost word for word, I plagerized a little, so I may owe you some royalties) what you said. Thanks again for all your help..
I am going to be taking off for the weekend and go do some hiking up in Oregon and visit some family so that will be a good time to get away and get some prospective. And just clear my head...
Taking of for the weekend is an excellent idea. It'll give you a break. When I was at the conference last week, it was great because I didn't have to be DBing my butt off the whole time. It's tiring.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I would most likely have told all the things wrong with what she is doing and she would not have listened, got mad, turned it all around and made me feel like poop, she is quite good at that.
I have a very strong feeling that the situation she has put herself in is about to blow up. She could very easily and most likely will lose her job over all of this. And the people of the small town we live in don't forget to easily. You see her mother did the same thing to her father, baled out on him for some low-life, you could say it is a family tradition. So I think the chickens will be coming home to roost pretty soon.
I have to fight the urge to say, well you made your bed now lie in it. I know that I just have to listen and be there for her..
There are so many emotions we have to fight against. What we want to say, isn't going to help. When we want to say loving things, it doesn't help. When we want to say angry things, it doesn't help. And we bounce between the two. Since neither way is going to work, not talking to them helps. Helps you. Until you can control yourself.
Of note: She said you can talk to her anytime.
Don't. Think of it like a trap. Don't go there right now. Your not emotionally balanced enough for it, and you'll tip one way or the other.
A couple of tricks for you to learn. Do you have a female friend, or co-worker who is 'safe'? By safe I mean no interest on either side, yours or hers? Learn how you talk with her. Banter and act. Learn that. And start talking to your wife that way. Its a trick, THAT is more than likely how you originally talked and acted with your wife. Re-Learn it for when you do start really talking with her.
The other trick, its a memory game. Have you ever dumped a chic? Did they ever beg for you back? Try to remember how THAT made you feel...all pressured and guilty and crap. Apply that to your wife, and you actions. Modify your actions based on that.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Good advice Jack, yea I do remember a few girls that did that and it did make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
You guys are the best medicine there is. I don't know where I would be without your support. I know for a fact I would have made every mistake in the book and then some..
To all of you that have taken the time to post and give advice and just help, I can't thank you enough.
