I was just thinking about you and realized that I would like to clarify what I said last night about letting him go--I know it's much easier said than done, and it's nuanced because somehow you have to find a way to detach from your expectations of him while you still have love and concern for him and your kids.
I love ROOT's approach. Apple had some good ideas about it too...finding little ways to show him kindness without putting any expectations on him. I think it's vital that you look at letting him go and going dark as dropping every expectation you possibly can, as soon as possible (as opposed to cutting off all contact and acting cool towards him).
Something that helped/helps me deal with anxiety over expectations is to remind myself to accept that my sitch is what it is, that beneath the shock and what-ifs and worries, I'm really okay and will continue to get better no matter what happens, so it's okay to let go.
Also, I think it's entirely appropriate for you to pray for strength to be free from expectations and that if it is His will that your M be preserved and protected, and for angels to be with you and H. Sometimes it helps me to think of more specific things to ask God for, better than just a general 'help me' request. KWIM? I'll pray for those things for you today.
