FLTC, thanks for letting me know where you went! Here's my latest thread. Honestly I have been dancing between completely throwing in the towel and finding a new life and a mate and just letting go, hoping for her to come around. It's a real struggle too. At some point I will just have to make up my mind accept that position and move forward with my life.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
D17 came home for a home visit from her school. when she was being taken back to the airport, W. told her how dissappointed that D15 and S9 were that they didn't see more of her, and how sad the were that she didn't spend more time with them. W. reported that they were in tears.(I'm finding that a little hard to buy). Well, why didn't W. set the paratmters for the visit, and why is it unusual to think that a 17 year old high school graduate might want to spend more time with her friend who she hasn't seen in over a year? That's what kids do......they grow away from you.
Wow, your W really needs to grow up and get over herself. Of course a 17 yr old is going to put the family on the backburner....that's what they do! LOL But for you W to try to make her feel bad about it is just crappy. It is becoming more apparent from what you write why your W has issue with your D. Ugh.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I think you're right - but only about girls. At 17, my daughter did what yours is doing - rebelled completely. Boys are a bit different. I think they do it a little later - maybe 19 or so. But girls come back home sooner too. And I swear I am the happiest person on earth because I have a daughter. She brings me flowers on HER birthday.
The one thing I do know is that neither sex wants to be told how disappointed we are in them. They want to live at this stage of their lives and all they want from us is to listen to them. They don't want to be hassled, they don't want to be admonished, they want us to listen. We could learn so much about them if we would stop talking and just listen to them.
Gotta go make 2 cakes for tomorrow. One chocolate with chocolate frosting and one coconut with coconut frosting. Theose 2 boys are so very different. But I have the X, my daughter and her husband, and the boys for the big 18th birthday dinner tomorrow night.
FL, don't worry about responding to our stuff. Just take care of yourself and write on your own thread. We're not in your position, so don't sweat the small stuff. We have time, you don't. We don't post to you in order to get a post back. Our troubles here in the Big D are small for a lot of us. Mine are about birthday presents for crying out loud. The Big D thread (although I've read lately that we're called the "ghetto"), is not a ghetto. We're upscale if you want to know the truth.
Take care of yourself and get your head and heart ready for when you come home.
I wish you the best of luck and was so happy to hear you found a solution to your dilemma about the scholarship.
I read about the two female mentally challenged suicide bombers last week. I think both women had downs syndrome and the bombs were remotely detonated. It really is awful.
Quote:
As you know, the emotions go in cycles. It gets so frustrating at times, because I get glimpses of her, and she is still the white hot intense person I left over a year ago. She is like a raw, gaping wound all the time, over everything.
I had asked Michele about that one. She told me that The X was feeling exactly the way I was feeling. Of course, I KNEW that she was wrong b/c well I was the wronged spouse and he was the one that was NUTS! But then I realized she was right.
The WAS goes through the same emotional cycles that the LBS goes through except the WAS is a little (or a lot) ahead of the LBS. Just like you may feel like you vacillate between wanting W back and D'ing her yesterday - she feels the same way.
Eventually a person get to the point where they get tired of bouncing and make up their minds based on whether the bounce is higher on the good side or the bad side.
While you may disagree with her reasons for disappointed and angry - that does not change the fact that W is just as disappointed, confused, and angry as you are at the moment. You are just out of phase.
I am an exceptionally screwed up person with an extensive baggage collection. So when I see someone acting a certain way - I dig into my baggage collection to see if I can figure out what would make me act that way.
While the threshold for what makes me act a certain way may be different than the threshold for the other person acting the same way, looking into myself usually provides me with insight into the other person's state of mind.
Doing this does not mean that you will be able to placate the other person - but it may help stop the confusion and circling about the "why."
Hey, sorry I haven't been by in a while. I haven't been online much more than posting on my own thread in a while. Sprained my ankle Friday, plus I didn't have much internet access over the weekend at my armory.
CYA with the money thing. It's just business, has nothing really to do with the M, don't let her make it into a R thing. Keep putting that money away and increase it if you can.
It's so sad to hear about the suicide bombers. After hearing and seeing all the results of this stuff for the last few years, nothing really surprises me anymore, but it's still sad. Take care of yourself.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Mattie: I have not heard back from my W. regarding the summer camp for my son. I love him to death, but again, another 3K! Vietnam, East Coast Beach Camp....all great stuff when you are not trying to prepare for running two households. I never want to deprive my children of these great opportunites because they love them, BUT....we are not in an intact 2003 family situation. W, obvioulsy wants only to lavish on kids. Great, but I'm not living in a dumpster again. This whole thing is not my choice as you know.
Suzy, I tend to agree with you. W. couldn't just bite her tongue and tell D17 how great it was to see her back at home AND HOW SHE'S MISSED HER SINCE LAST FEBRUARY, kissed her and put her on the plane. The 3 kids and I will be in FLA for a week in April. They are amped as I am! well have a ball. They are usually more relaxed around me, which W. of course chalks up to her having to always be the heavy. Maybe D15 and S9 were dissappointed, but his next hockey game is 30 minutes away, and D15 will be trying out for lacrosse this week. They have short, inward attention spans. I am not surprised why D17 acts like she does at times. I was the recipient of a lot of the same trips. Made me feel like I was the worst person on the face of the earth. when I say W. did not say she was sorry one time in 22 years for ANYTHING, I am not kidding. It would have been so great to have herad her say JUST ONCE "This is ridiculous. Let's just forget it and move on". I've heard makeup sex is great. I wouldn't know! It would have made me perhaps more emotive outwardly than I was, which she complained about a lot. Of course, when I tried to change that, she said "I know what you're doing, and I just find it irritating.
Oh well....look...I know I'm not a horrid human being, but I was really made to feel that way. Totally inadequate with no ability to satisfy her in any way, but rejection sucks.
Oh well....look...I know I'm not a horrid human being, but I was really made to feel that way. Totally inadequate with no ability to satisfy her in any way, but rejection sucks.
So why do we keep accepting rejection? What is it we are hanging on to right now? Are we just hanging on because it all represents a once comfortable place? Are you letting fear be the deciding feeling that drives you?
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I know I'm not a horrid human being, but I was really made to feel that way. Totally inadequate with no ability to satisfy her in any way
Rejection is a double edged swoard. If appeasement does not work then do your own rejecting. (not legally). Set the standard, Make it known, and hold them to it. The ultimate is going dark but there are shades of grey.
Prior with communicating in any for lay out a clear objective in mind. Give them a peek of the slash and burn method. As you know recruits are tested to gage their reactions. Lines are probed to find the soft spots. If one tatic does not work why continue that tatic?
AG speaks well of Michelle who upon your return probably will supply you with a treasure trove of tatics.
I got the same beat from X, job, and family and I resolved never to show one ounce of compassion toward my X last year after cooly analyzing my involvement and her's.
It is not resentment but my x simply does not rate compassion. She slashed and burned my family and then plugged in a sheep she though would just replace me in D13s eyes. All the plans of mice and Xs.
Now when discussing matters about D13 I do not get BS but a discussion of the issues. I immediately question her when I see the bulls getting ready to poop.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Have nothing profound to say. Just hello and hope all is well. About time to write another check to your new savings, FLTC! We are here to support you on that one!!!!
