All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Well, he was not baby in the house nor only child. He has two younger sisters (25, 22) and the youngest was the baby in the house. My H was the trouble maker. BUT my kids are the only grandchildren and in-laws will do anything for them.

I think they don't want their daddy to fail. They know my H is going through a phase but they don't know whats really going. I think this is the way to help their son to be a man and get education and financially sufficient....? I guess.. I am sure my H has a good speech to convince them.

I think they really don't know the person my H has been. Past year, he has changed so much. They don't know that MLCer should not have lots of money...

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Journaling....
My H and I had a fight over stupid things and he told me that he MAY have a plan to go see OW1 next month. Then, it clicked my mind that he is planning to go see her with my D7's college fund.

So, I decided to e-mail my in-laws.. regarding his trip plan and warn them. I told them that I am worried how my H will spend the money on trip to see OW, paying off his debts, and buying a car. I also told them I am no longer in the position to tell my H my opinion on how he can spend the money and he will not listen to me.

They told my H that they need to talk to him the night and they had a family meeting regarding how he can spend the money. I am glad they had the talk and they were clear what their purpose of the financial support, EDUCATION ONLY. They did not mention my name in the meeting and my H has no clue that I was the informer LOL.

I really hope my D7's money will be used in proper manner (yea... right) But I will keep monitoring his behaviour.

I think I did the right thing to stop my H from using money on OW or other stupid things.

Today, my H gave me a check for his rent I paid this month. It was from his parents... I do not want money from his parents anymore. I just want my H to struggle and make some money with his effort but I guess his parents will just help him no matter what.. My H will never be grown up and be financially efficient.. Sad sad sad

Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

H confirmed me that he will be going to see OW end of this month. Trip fee will be paid by OW.

I asked for divorce and told him "Do the right thing". I didn't want him to go when he is still married. He doesn't get it and said he nor I do not have money for divorce.

After he told me about the trip, he sent me a text
" i am not trying to disrespect or anything.. but I have to move forward in my life"

I text him back in a few minute...

" i would like to do the same thing, sounds like u think i want to be with you but i am no longer interested in beig with you after I get treated crap, ignored my feelings etc. so pleeeese realize u are not my idal person and i definatly don't want to be with someone who make girl and parents pay for everything"

So, he is very angry for calling him looser. I told him that it is my opinion and how I really feel. He says he is trying to reach his goal and he will make 60k after graduate school and he will help me and kids financially then.

Yes!! my H will help me SOMEDAY. Ohh dear, my H thinks I am stupid or something. Who the hell believe WAH to support me 4 years from now??? until then, he wants me to support his as*? and thinks it is okay to ask me, parents, sisters, OW for money??

I am sooo ready to call OW and let her know I am so done with him and "be ready, he is messed up."

I will keep working on myself and be confident life without crazy H. I really hope someday he will be a role model for my children. Until then, I will be only one for my kids...

Beauty

[NoCodeBlues]

Happy Valentines, Beauty.

[fightingirish]

Beauty,

Unfortunately yes, you are the only stable, level headed person in their life right now. Its so sad, they are so young, and these are the precious years. He will be missing out on so much and for what?? Im that things are going this way for you, you dont deserve any of it.

[BEAUTYandWAH]

NoCode and Tal,
Thanks for posting and happy v-day!
I was soo depressed among happy-v-day mood people. I really hope I am happier next valentines.

I though my night will be cleaning, watching tv etc etc. but my in-laws invited for dinner (kids were already there) and after all H joined. We had fun talking about movies, kids etc. My in-laws promissed me that they will pay for daycare. So, it was not depressed or sad night. I had some wines and feeling better.

My H told me that he is very hurt by me calling him looser. He gave me the same speech of 'its for kids future.,, brabrabrabra'
I could not say 'looser' to his face and I just said "your life style is so much different from mine"

He usualy starts the serious relationship, future, etc conversation. I am trying hard not to talk about those things. I just cannot take it..

Last night, my playful mind was thinking.. I am still MAD about his trip with OW. On the day of the trip, I kinda want to transfer all the money from his bank account (it is a joint account but I have not touched it for two months) to my personal account. I can use online bank and it will only take 2 seconds. Well, I think I should leave $1.00 in case he needs it. He ruined my marriage and I think it is fair for me to ruin his trip... just once (or many more..~).

Is that bad.? (LOL)
Beauty

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
You sound like you know your boundaries and are sticking to them. Too bad your H doesn't like being called a loser. What does he think of himself after cheating on you, and your kids? Too many of these WAS just have no integrity or accountability, but they don't realize it and that is pathetic. Nor do many of them realize how much they hurt their LBS (or perhaps they just close their eyes and refuse to see it).

I don't understand how what he is doing is helping the kids future? Is he talking about school or what? I sure hope he isn't talking about D, how could that possibly help the kids?

I'm glad your in-laws will be helping you out.

As far as the bank account idea ... I realize you are joking but LOL! You could say, gee, honey, I thought OW was paying for everything and you wouldn't need it. I have 2 kids to feed. (But

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Joie~

He really thinks going to graduate school is the best thing for kids. I try to tell him when responsible people who want to go to grad school and have a better life, they will work very hard NOW and save money for family and then, they will go back to school. According to him, he MUST go to school now. I keep asking him what about kids NOW?? I will deal with about future when the time comes but " I NEED FINANCIAL SUPPORT NOW DAMN IT!"

But I know OW was trying to convince him that D would make kids happy in the future because her parents divorce and I guess it was better for her, I don't know.


So, my birthday party is tomorrow~. In-laws are making dinner for me and my sis-in-law whose birthday was yeasterday. (mine is 2/19) After that, my friends and her friends will meet us at a bar. My H... I really didn't invite him to the bar party although I did say "I am sure you would like to celebrate for your sister.. right?" So, he will come for a bit for sure.

A few weeks ago, he was saying "I am confused.. I miss you sometimes. I am not coming back now but I don't know about future..." and about one week ago, "from the beginning of separation, I told you I will never come back to you."

And last night, "you are my family and if I have new person in my life, she will have to understand our close family relationship and we will take care of each other forever."

So, I am assuming this cycle will continue until D is final. Bitter-sweet-bitter-sweet--and who knows next. like my S2! So, I am pretty much 'yeaaa.. okay, I understand how you feel/ what you mean/ where you coming from/..." After all, confrontation will not help at all because he just doesn't get it.

I wonder this is "men depression".. he is moody, forgetful, drama king...


Beauty

[fightingirish]

oh beauty... I know how hard this must be for you.. especially with two young kids..When is your S's bday?? My son just turned two in Nov.. hes a little gem!

They are the love of my life, and your kids are yours. Not that they replace H, but focus on them, and try doing something nice for yourself.. anything, something that makes you feel good, I know you are limited as I am to even get a moment by yourself, but try even if its for an hour..

(((hugs)))

[BEAUTYandWAH]

((((hugs))) Tal! I needed one

My S's birthday is in Oct! Your S and mine could have same behavioural stage~ My S2 loves to follow around D7 everywhere she goes and loves to snaggle with all the family members. He talks alot and very very active. Hard to catch up sometimes

They are love of my life and I think I can be stable because I love them and they love me.

I realized it is pretty hard to do something for myself.. It is not easy to find new friends, start new hobbies... but I start from redecorating home (on long process), new make-up style (this is pretty harder than I thought), make a goal setting plan (on process...) and I would like to start cooking more!

Beauty