My W insists that I kiss her now when leaving the house. She demands to be held.
Let me add the emphasis: My W INSISTS that I kiss her now when leaving the house. She DEMANDS to be held.
Not my words - FIB's. That is the language of someone who need to control the situation. These are not actions - but words. Those are not the words of someone who wants to work it.
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The only thing our actions can control is whether we sabotage what we really want. Is there any doubt what FIB really wants?
No. We can only control US. That is it. We cannot "sabotage" anything. If they react to us - that is their reaction, not ours.
What FIB WANTS does not matter at all. I want to live forever. Do I have it? I want to control another. Can I do it? Slavery was outlawed long ago.
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"If FIB's W wants to save the M she must do it - with the terms and conditions outlined by FIB even if they are not attainable in the short term". What I'm telling you in my previous post is that the goal can not be unattainable. I'm suggesting FIB break down the goal. That's solution based.
I agree. FIB should set goals but his attitude should be "wait and see" as DR says to do. He should not share his goals with W or require that she meet ANY expectation of his.
Or it will be the little girl: "daddy If I am good can I get some candy???"
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You missed one: 3) Well, I guess I'll throw in the towel now since FIB has given up.
Agree. Her call, not FIB's.
Interesting choice of words "giving up". Maybe you do not appreciate the courage it takes for what FIB is going through. Giving up??
I don't think so. This is the most powerful thing that he has done in his life.
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And the moderator just told you, it happens. MArriages do get reconciled.
Yes they do. But do all?? Odds?
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I'm not asking him to change her. I'm asking him to change him
Has he not changed him already? For the better? Much better? What more should he do?
Okay, I will yet again ask my question of you and others and the moderator here, since someone obviously "notified" the moderator to join us.
What has FIB not done? Maybe FIB and I missed a chapter of Michele's books. Despite what I said in an earlier post, I am having a hard time approaching this with a "beginner's mind". This is not a new start thread - this is two years. I have seen nothing new offered lately, no new ideas. Just that FIB is "giving up" and somehow now it is all his fault and it is his to save if only he will.....
I don't see that logic. Sorry.
Tell me, please, what is FIB to do? What am I to do? And so many others? What have I missed?
Said enough. I will not change anyone's mind here so why bother.
FIB - if you proceed with the divorce I will not imply that you are wrong (I said if you choose to proceed with it, not WANT it). On the other hand, if you decide to do something different I am your man.
