sgctxok....I'm listening.....

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

Her actions don't match those words. Yet.

My W insists that I kiss her now when leaving the house. She demands to be held.

Reconcile these 2 quotes for me.

But what you and others are missing is that this is NOT IN OUR CONTROL.

Agreed. The only thing our actions can control is whether we sabotage what we really want. Is there any doubt what FIB really wants?

If FIB's W wants to save the M she must do it - without condition.

But that's not what posters who are encouraging FIB to walk away are really saying, is it. Shouldn't that read "If FIB's W wants to save the M she must do it - with the terms and conditions outlined by FIB even if they are not attainable in the short term". What I'm telling you in my previous post is that the goal can not be unattainable. I'm suggesting FIB break down the goal. That's solution based.

And no, you don't make a demand of her such as "I need this by then." You set your own goal (By the end of the month, I'd like W to call me in the middle of the day to tell me she misses me) and you express it, not demand it. (W, I used to love it when you would call me in the middle of the day.) If it happens, you took one step forward.

When she reads FIB's 30, she has two responses that FIB outlined for us: 1) FIB is a liar, or 2) What have I done?

You missed one: 3) Well, I guess I'll throw in the towel now since FIB has given up.

That's the one I'd fear the most by taking the position you take. And the moderator just told you, it happens. MArriages do get reconciled.

FIB cannot change her. Impossible. So why are you asking him to try?

Last thing, I'm not asking him to change her. I'm asking him to change him by setting smaller goals that lead to bigger accomplishments.