I wouldn't be telling the truth if i said he would never do anything to hurt me or do anything underhanded to get what he wants - BUT having said that I have to think that the passed 6 months have brought out the absolute worst in him. He did everything he could to put a wedge between me and OG, conspired in a way that I would never have thought he possibly could. and to be honest that scares me a bit. I saw a side of him that i never knew existed - and will hopefully stay gone for good now.
My first instinct when I read this was to get defensive. Me acting poorly?? How could this be? After all, I was the victim in this situation was I not? I was going to fight for our marriage, my self-respect and stand up for what I believed was right and moral. Over the past months, I tried to take the moral high road, but did fall down several times along the way. I lied. I snooped. I conspired. The OG's W contacted me on several occasions and we began talking and sharing information. I even met her a couple of times over drinks to talk about our situations. Honestly though, I didn't intentionally drive the wedge. That was more the OG's W that took that approach. She was much more assertive in her handling of the situation. I was hoping that the A would run its course and burn itself out. Things did get uncomfortable and even a bit ugly on a few occasions, but I can't say that I regret my actions. We are working through things now. I'm hoping that we can learn from this experience and subsequently build a stronger relationship.
Originally Posted By: Mom of 2 Cherubs
So, i am continuing the things learned in Retro, will keep any and all advice in the back of my mind and refer to it often. I have to say, getting over OG is difficult. i thought if i immersed myself in the R with H, and my kids, etc those feelings would just go away. They are taking a lot longer to fade than i had anticipated. They seem to be going and then something will bring it all back - a song, or i'll see something that previously was very superficial now has a completely different meaning to me. It's frustrating to make sense of it all.
I've heard many different opinions on how long it takes, but bottom line is that it will take a long time. It has only been just over a month since things have turned around. As we reconnect with our feelings in the marriage, I suspect that the feelings for OG will diminish and the triggers will get fewer and further between. I hope that W realizes that there are just as many triggers that result in anxiety, frustration and depression for me. I know that given time, these will fade and be replaced by loving, positive and caring memories and feelings.
