"Don't give up five minutes before the miracle." Just so everyone is clear on my agenda.
Stupidity: Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots. Just so everyone is clear on my agenda.
I too believe that FIB would give anything to save his M. I believe that he is in love with his W. I too believe that FIB is not "done" in the sense of wanting to be in a happy M with his W.
I feel EXACTLY the same way about my M. Even divorced I feel that way still.
But what you and others are missing is that this is NOT IN OUR CONTROL. I did not want the D but I had NO choice b/c my W did not want to do the work to stay M. Only difference between my Ex and FIB's W is that FIB's W is TALKING no D, but her actions don't match those words. Yet.
FIB is done like I am done - we are playing the cards we were delt. We have no choice b/c we cannot control another person.
Using a sales model to establish benchmarks may work in business but a M is about relationships and emotions, not business. Go ahead FIB, post 30 things W must do to "earn her way back", with due dates. Go ahead, post it on the fridge and measure her performance. "Explain" it to her.
Go ahead. Try to control her. Try to change her.
I will come pick your body off the floor.
If FIB's W wants to save the M she must do it - without condition. Without FIB posting benchmarks.
She must be the one who wants to get help if she has mental problems or body chemical imbalance problems or eating disorders or sexual obsession problems. She is the one that must set 30 benchmanrks for HER b/c SHE wants to climb out of her hole for HER, not just to keep the M. She needs to do what Amy suggests: get down on her knees with her face to the floor for a week.
She has to do it b/c only she can do it. When she reads FIB's 30, she has two responses that FIB outlined for us: 1) FIB is a liar, or 2) What have I done?
The ball is in her court.
FIB cannot change her. Impossible. So why are you asking him to try?
