Cat, it does sound like you are doing very well in yourself with this Sep, you are doing OK living on your own, managing well with the kids and managing the household, developing a bit of a social life without relying on H. I think you are sending a very powerful message to H with this, it increases your power in the relationship when you are not so dependent on your partner.
Originally Posted By: cat03
it never fails, whenever we have an R argument something goes really bad at his job and he has a mini nervous breakdown which ends up being me "piling on him" and that i'm pushing him away, argh!!! Well, I'm also on "high alert" and my BS radar is on high so that I put anything he says into the radar and look for any and all possible ways he might be telling me lies... thus making him feel I"m giving him the 3rd degree.
A tip from another person 'reconciling while separated' FWIW: we don't do this anymore, but in the beginning we had one scheduled session per week, lasting for about an hour, by phone, where I could ask him EMA questions. I always had my questions prepared ahead of time, and a paper and pencil to take notes. I would ask the questions, he would answer and I would write down his answers. The basic idea was that I would simply record the answers and not get into arguments or reactions over the answers. Most of the time I was able to honor this agreement. But if I didn't he was allowed to call me on it.
I agree with Aud and others, it's a good idea to catch them doing something good, not the reverse. It's not good to put them into a situation where they might have to lie their way out of it.
Also, I was wondering, do the two of you have any formal agreement about H contact with OP?
