Wife's MLC???

[fyremn238]

I think I can stand on my own... I have been a caretaker for 40 years, first my father and then my wife. So now it is time to take care of me...

I appreciate your comments, I saw the low-life driving down the road right after I confronted w with this. I had my daughter in my truck so I didn't do anything. Every fiber of my being wanted to chase him down and kick his teeth in. But I wouldn't do that with my child in the vehicle, and now after your advice I shan't do it at all (I hope)...

Yea he is a real dandy has five kids and is out scammin on married women, what a class act. His w has been making my w's life hell, secretly I just laugh. She went to w's work and talked to w's bosses about this I am sure they are not proud that one of their counselors is dating one of her students. So w is now going to get a restraining order against her, it feels a little like high school and I am too stinkin old for that...

I am stayin clear gonna go on about my life...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

That satisfaction...is it worth everything you hold dear?
Is it worth jail time?

Sad day and age we will in, oh give me 50 or 40 years ago...but the truth is, is this low life worth destroying yours?

[fyremn238]

No, it's not worth it.

That is why I was glad I had my daughter with me, it kept me from doing something really dumb, and next time I will have self control...

fyre

[Jack_Three_Beans]

That's how I did it...hrnmmm....I should say thats how I managed to stay socially acceptable.

[Drew]

We're better men than that. And the truth always wins in the end. Doesn't always look like that when you're buried in the sh*t, but it all works out in the end.

[fyremn238]

Thanks for your responses.

Yes I suppose truth will win in the end, and how does the saying go "the best revenge is living well"...

So that is what I have to do...

[bombardier50]

I'm with Drew and Jack. The natural desire is to confront and "talk some sense into her." Doesn't work. Makes things worse. Like Jack, I'm speaking from experience here.

Jack...Drew...your thoughts here.

You know what I'd do now?

Drop the rope, man.

Fyre, I'd make it a point to apologize to your wife. Yup. Suck it up and tell her you're sorry for confronting her. Say something like this: "Hey...I'm really sorry for the things I said the other day...for confronting you like that. Look...this is your life. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to control you. You are free to do whatever you want. My hope is that we can work through this and stay married. But if that doesn't happen, I know I'll be okay. I'm here for you if you want to talk."

When I did that with my wife, it really kind of shocked her. Suddenly, she was free choose her path, and now, all the pressure of that choice was on her. I wasn't there to push her in any direction. And most importantly, it lifted me out of the sewer.

It's sort of a Zen thing. The harder you push, the harder she'll push back.

Let her go. Rise above. Detach. Set the example.

And be the guy she married. THAT'S how you'll get her back. When she decides to choose, make it an easy decision.

Am I making sense here?

Bomb

[Drew]

Bomb,

You've got it. Since this weekend when I dropped the rope and help her/us move out/on, our relationship is better. I even detect glimpses of "OMG, this is actually happening, is this really what I want?" Just glimpses, mind you and I just roll with them, but trust me, the more I fought it, the more it was going to happen. Now that I'm not fighting it, the pressure is off and there's a chance it might not happen.

BUT!!!! I'm OK with it either way. The only way I'm going to stay married to my wife is if we get divorced. It is kind of a Zen thing ...

So much so that my counselor asked me, "What are you going to do when she wants you back?"

[fyremn238]

Thanks for the advice, I guess apologizing is probably the best thing to do. I know I keep going over all of these things in my head that shake her out of this, but it won't work I know that. I talked with her last night and all she did was blame me, the om's wife and everyone else..

I think I am going to go black (I think that's what you call no contact) for awhile, mostly for my own sanity...

fyre

[bombardier50]

Ha! Drew...love that line the counselor gave you. Perfect. Glad also to hear that there are glimmers of hope. I admire you man...you've always had a great attitude about this about this hell we're in and you inspired me.

Funny thing...I was at a conference all week and...I didn't really miss my W, and I didn't cry the whole time I was there. And that's not all. For the first time in years, I noticed that women were hitting on me. Talk about a confidence booster.

Fyre, my point is that like you, for a long time I wallowed in the darkness of this. I was crying in my soup. Then one of the guardian angels on this board, Saffie, gave me a real azz-kicking that got me out of my funk. Her message was this:

1) You are a good man. If you weren't, you wouldn't be trying to save your marriage.
2) Because you are a good man, your wife is lucky to have you.
3) And because you are a good man, if your wife decides she doesn't want you, there are plenty of women out there who will scoop you up.

Keep that in mind. And keep doing that Zen thing.

Bomb