FIB. You know my position - "Don't give up five minutes before the miracle." Just so everyone is clear on my agenda.
When I read your thread, doc - I don't read what others characterize. That being someone who is done. Ready to throw in the towel. Wanting to move on. Broken. If we all "Start with a Beginners Mind", as Jeanette says and DR suggests, and we read what you are posting, and set our own bias aside, I believe we come to the same conclusion.
You are NOT done. You would still move a mountain to reconcile and that alone is reason to not stop exploring options and alternatives.
When I read your posts, FIB, I still read words to indicate you are still reaching out for a lifeline, a new idea, a different course ... anything to give you reason to keep fighting. That's why it's tough to read your thread sometimes. Because I hear a good man still wanting to fight. Even though you are bruised and at a level of exhaustion that most of us can't imagine. And you are not served by generalized "don't give up" advice - nor are you served by some who get in your ear and pull you in the opposite direction.
If you are truly done - then you don't need to read on. But, I don't believe you're really done, FIB.
Let me try a real solution. One based on DB's premise.
You set the bar pretty high (I understand, boundries) - but can you take it one step further for yourself and for us? What does W have to do this week; In the next 2 weeks; In the next month to cause you to believe she is sincere? Follow me ....
We both run our own businesses, FIB - and when we need to implement a change - say in staff performance, we set a goal, come up with a few strategies, some specific tactics, and some "benchmarks" (when I get to here, then my next step is ...) and, of course, a good salesman always asks for the order/sale.
Would you post for us what those benchmarks would be? To wit: I will do this .... and by (date), I expect W will do this .... Once you get them down on paper, then obviously, you explain to W exactly what those benchmarks are and ask for the sale.
I was thinking ... 30 of them. To coincide the mandatory 30 for the D paperwork.
I can guarantee you this, W isn't going to drop to her knees one afternoon and beg you to stop the D, change everything to completely fulfill your every need, become the great mother she was and sacrificially put her needs aside. That's a fairytale. (Could happen, but I don't think so). A more logical progression is individual "benchmarks" culminating into a bigger picture. This is solution based DB'ing. What does W have to do today, next week and next month?
Still praying for you ....
Why don't you come to dinner on the 19th?
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
