Hi Cat, A couple of thoughts about this. I think, maybe, it's a process you have to go through. You can try to shorten the process but maybe you just have to let it go too, like anger or the other feelings. In other words, don't beat yourself up about it.
But, you can try to shorten the time it takes. I'd suggest a couple of things. Don't discuss it with your H, at least not until he's ready to be there for you. Second, detach more. What do you care if he is lying or telling the truth. It doesn't matter. If it affects you or the kids directly, then it's important and you need to take steps to make sure you don't depend on him or that the damage he can cause is minimal. But if he is seeing the OW and lies about it, so what? If he lies to the OW, so what? He either will or he won't lie, you can't control it. Let it go. Easier said then done, but maybe it would work.
After an affair, do some people need to know the details, and know the "truth"? I'm struggling with how much I want or need to know. What ever I learn, it won't really change anything. You already know the important facts too. You can't change the past.
There you have it, IMHO, don't care what he says. You can be nice, listen, smile, but don't care. Maybe like listening to a small child describe their day at school. You know martians really didn't land and zap the teacher, or that the preceived insult from the other kid was probably much less important than the kid thinks, but you listen, validate in a way, and you don't believe. You don't question the kid to trap him in a lie, you let it go. Is that a good analogy?
What's the verdict so far, Cat? Is S helpful? Are you feeling better, more in control, sleeping better?
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
