Priorities and tests of strength

[fearless]

Otoh, you have contributed to my overall conviction regarding how a guy should handle his puppy with your view on Brian's sitch. I can't imagine a guy being in any more of a puppy state than when he feels his life is in a touch and go state for a protracted period of time. Yet to you, one of the sanest women I know, it's perfectly understandable that his wife wouldn't be there for him.

That is stretching my POV a bit. The way I expressed this to Raven was to take this example. Say I call Raven at work and ask him to come home right away because I need his help without telling him why I need help. Then let's say he drives by a horrible accident and stops to help a severely injured person. Does that mean that he does not care about me as much as a stranger? Or does it mean that with the knowledge he has, the bleeding stranger seems to be in more need?

I'm definitely starting to think that what women think of as a guy's puppy and when men think of as their puppy are quite different.

I think I have a different view of puppy than you or Mojo have. First I don't distinguish between weak and strong puppy. To me, puppy is puppy; which is vulnerability. The apparent "weakness" or "strength" of the puppy is really about the wolf and/or stallion strength. A man with strong wolf and/or stallion would not come across weak with his puppy behavior while a man without wolf and stallion would appear more weak. IMO.

I also consider puppy behavior to include (along with the Mojo's examples) admitting a fear, talking about what makes him feel vulnerable, talking about something that has hurt them, etc. For example having a man say that he was overweight as a child and talk about how hard it was for him is definitely a show of puppy. For me if I was to "kick" that puppy, it would entail making remarks about his weight AFTER finding out about that information. If he never mentions that part of his childhood and I make some remark about his weight (however mild), he might "feel" like I was kicking his puppy but I wouldn't see that as me kicking his puppy.

To be clear, if I show my bunny, I consider that to include showing my vulnerability. If I don't tell Raven my particular vulnerabilities and he makes some comment that hurts me, does that mean he kicked my bunny? I don't feel so. If I tell him my vulnerability and he proceeds to make comments he now knows will hurt me, THAT I consider kicking the bunny. That might seem like a fine line but that's how I see it. I don't hold Raven responsible for "knowing" what will hurt me if I don't tell him.

But if a guy believes he may be dying, unless he can communicate that very clearly, he shouldn't count on his wife for anything.

I'm saying that people can make mistakes and some seem much more purposeful (i.e. going on vacation when your wife is 39 weeks pregnant and she asks you not to go) and some seem much more circumstantial (i.e. caring for your recovering mother while not being fully aware of your H's health and not getting an update from anyone.) Sure I think Brian's wife SHOULD have been more attentive to Brian's condition. But then again I don't know what issues her mother was facing and what condition brian's wife was in considering all of the stress she had had in that month. I know that after dealing with my mom's illness in college I was not in the best mental state either.

I can't imagine a guy being in any more of a puppy state than when he feels his life is in a touch and go state for a protracted period of time.

The difference I have with your definition of puppy is that it is Passive puppy. Like a guy in a coma is a puppy. My point is that if you do not actively make yourself vulnerable it is not quite being puppy. (Like I am not bunny just because I have to ask men at the store to get something from the top shelf because I am short. Of course I COULD play it bunny but I am talking about the FACT that being 5'2" pretty much automatically puts me in a "bunny" position but I do not consider that as ACTING bunny. ACTING bunny is what is vulnerable to me.)

So yes lying in a touch and go state is a vulnerable state but if a guy's wife is unaware of that state, how can that be kicking the puppy? I would definitely put it in the category of ignoring the puppy which would be bad enough for the guy.

Anyway...

All of this about Brian's wife has been conjecture because, even though Brian stated his wife was a great caretaker at Christmas, maybe she is just a selfish self-centered B!tch who is a horrible wife. All I am saying that I believe is that life can be full of complications and by NOT giving people full information, we place others in even more complicated positions.