They certaintly appear to be, but why?? Is she just afraid of being alone?? She is not going to suffer financially thats for sure. So what could be the reason?
FIB and his W have had co-dependent "control" issues for many years. You can read about them if you go back to FIB's early posts here. So she wants to hang on to the M now b/c FIB is serious about leaving and she is losing her control. She is scared - someone cornered. Thus I agree with Bill that these are calculated responses on her part. She is reacting to the possible LOSS of the M and that security, not that she wants to REMAIN married to FIB.
And remember that these were the SAME responses she did when caught in her affairs. The exact same responses. Words to pull FIB back under her control; words not followed by commitment once her control and security returned.
I think we are all forgetting that FIB's W is the WAS and FIB the LBS. She was the one who wanted the D. She is the one who went to the lawyer first. She was in control then. Now she is not.
Financially? FIB may be a doctor but being a doctor does not make you a millionare. She will suffer financially.
And finally I want to chime in about divorce vice separation. What did my divorce change? In my interaction with xW not much yet. But it did change this for me: I am free to do what I want without fear that it may be twisted against me in court. I am free to date other people. If you are separated then the M vows apply (at least to me), now they do not. I am free to finally move on with my life.
No, I hate D too. But there comes a time when it may be forced upon us without choice b/c we cannot control the situation or the other person and b/c it is not healthy to remain in pain in a hopeless situation while doing nothing about it. Michelle discusses this in DR. Trick is to know when enough is enough, that you tried everything.
Looking back on my separation, initially it was a good thing b/c I was trying to save my M. And if FIB's W would move then that may be a good thing to put some distance between them.
But in my case, after much time trying my best but with no results I should have cut bait sooner, much sooner.
I think that is what FIB is doing - trying his best to do what is best for him and his family.
