Hanging in there....

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

So sad you are here - but I would not have gotten thru my sitch if did not have the support of all the wonderful people out here.

First - he is not telling you goodbye and up and filing - that is good. He sounds confused and he could waffle for some time. The thing that worries me is your finances!! If OW continues she will get more and more out of him. The A's are true addictions and they cannot get over the OP until the OP has been out of their lives for some time --weeks if not months. Hell my H was sucked in by his OW three times even though she was not good for him - he had major issues with her and yet he still took her calls - EVEN after moving back home. It takes them a long time to 'see the light' - if they ever do - sometimes they don't get it until it is too late (just ask Hope11 and Lovely olive is going through it right now).

First you sound like you are detaching fairly well despite your short timeline - took me a LONG time to get this. Do a search on detachment - there are some great postings on this.

Second figure out your finances - he should not be giving funds to OW - or at a minimun document it all. If it goes to D - I think a lot of this can be recouped by you.

Read read read the sitch's out here - that is where I learned a lot. There are diff viewpoints on how you should move - see Choceyes (one extreme) to less aggressive. It all depends on your H and how he will react. Had I been so confrontational with my H - he would have been GONE in a flash. He said what worked for him was I always took the high road, improved myself (and he saw those improvements), went on vac with the kids and without him (this hurt him big time) and basically started moving on without him GAL alot!!! This did not happen overnight - Aug 9th was our 1 yr anniv on our 'how he felt we needed a D talk'. It took me until the next June to figure out true detachment!!! Learn from out mistakes out here!!!!

I got my FIRST ILY on Xmas day - so it took 16 mos or so to hear those words. We did MC, IC and finally Retrouvaille - this helped him the most but the OW was really not a factor by this point. Though she did call him a little even then (the skank)LOL.

Detaching is good - it helps that he is not at home so this is good for you. I would track how much time he spends with the kids too... Don't let him move back home until he is COMPLETELY done with OW and truly wants to work on your M.

Good luck and hang in there I see a lot of little positives in your sitch...

HB