I really wanted to comment on Jeanette's remarks about divorce and what it "solves."
I've been divorced now for about 15 months. My ex-wife and I now interact peacefully in just about everything. Our relationship regarding our boys is particularly friendly, with both of us having a strong desire for both parents to be involved in their lives as much as possible (even if she did move 500 miles away).
Divorce brought peace between us. A peace that did not exist in the months leading up to the divorce.
For me there will never be a future with my ex-wife again. But if that had been a possibility, the peace that our divorce brought to us would have helped increase that possibility.
Particularly in situations where there has been spousal betrayals, I think separation is a crucial part of getting to the point where you can find that inner peace again. And without that, it seems to me that there is little possibility of restoring the relationship one day.
It's unfortunate in this day and age that often a legal separation is a dangerous position between estranged spouses. Legal manuevering can make it possible for a less than honest wandering spouse to take advantage of the goodwill of a LBS who is just hoping for another chance at the marriage. In a perfect world this would not figure in to our decisions. In this world it has to, at least a little.
In my opinion separation or divorce makes no difference in leading to a restoration of the marital relationship unless both parties are interested in such a thing. And if both parties are interested, neither separation NOR divorce are hurdles that make such a thing impossible.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
