Things went crazy that day, we almost didnt' go, but it was a good dinner, he hardly say anything, but he did find a really tasty place to go, I loved the food, he got me my fav chocolates and a cute ornament for my car. We could've not have done anything and I was not expecting any gifts, so it was nice and I really appreciated the gestures.
This past weekend I learned that as I think my sitch is terrible there are others out there in worse conditions. My dear friend/neighbor has just stopped chemo, has lost all her hair and had a mastectomy-- has just found out her H is talking w/a ow, her mom just died in her country and she couldnt' go to funeral, she is devastated and barely able to cope with her health, the death and now her H doing this. It came out that night I had dinner at home (my GAL plans), we both had a good cry ( I told her in a nutshell a bit of my sitch, no details, so she knows I understand what she is feeling right now) As she talked my blood boiled, remembering how I felt when I found out about the A, as she described her feelings of worthlessnes, just like I felt comparing myself to ow. I was able to talk to her and told her what I've learned about As and supported her emotionally. The very next day in church I learned of a lady who's H kicked out (was a stay at home mom) and took her 2daughters from her, 2 yrs now and she prays every day to be with them. My heart breaks thinking of both of them, how I'm healthy and have my two kids and you guys to listen to my rantings, I'm blessed and my cup runs over.
Still getting a hold on some crazy thoughts about this whole mess, trying to push them so I dont' think of them 24/7, I sleep better and have no anxiety, just fighting with those gremlings and their useless past flashbacks.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
