Hanging in there....

[Sugar and Spice]

My H of 13 years, been together 20 with 2 kids S-12 & D-6 admitted to me on Dec. 3, 2007 that he had been having a text "friendship" with someone, but it wasn't sexual. Well after a totally bogus counseling session and many teary conversations and a Christmas night from hell (he said they weren't talking anymore and she called him and MAJOR drama ensued...my sons b-day is 12/26) I found out that it is sexual and that he has feelings for her. We had to go back to the counselor and tell her that the first session was pretty much total BS and he moved out that night. He now lives with his mom and is pursuing his relationship with OW, but keeping me around too. He says that he is confused and needs to figure out what he feels for her, he doesn't know if its love or an addiction.... Anyway, upon the advice of our marriage counselor, we both got into individual counseling, he of course waited over a month to actually do so, but now is gung-ho to find "himself." He sends conflicting messages, he tells me that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me, don't give up on me, let me do my counseling so I can come back and be 100% and then also tells me how much he likes the OW, that he has feelings for her and he's not sure if its love, but what else could it be? How its fun with her and she's nice, like I care. Saturday night I melted down and told him that I was happy for him and that he needed to just go and be happy, that obviously he wants to be with her, as that is where he puts all of his energy and he again said, don't give up on me, don't give up on our family etc... Last night I told him I needed some space and he said he wouldn't call me, and so far it’s been 3 times today. I feel like I owe it to my kids and myself to see what changes counseling will bring him, but I also need to detach because I know way too much about his activities and it just hurts so damn much. I know he is a gambling addict and he has even said more than once that he doesn't know if he is infatuated with OW or if she is an addiction and I know where my vote is cast, but I can't do it for him. I want it to work, I love him with all my heart, but the pain is just almost too much to bear. I see my counselor on Thursday, Valentines Day (HA!) and I'm going to ask her for coping skills, but if anyone out there has any suggestions I would love to hear them. The OW is 7 years younger than us and has a 12 year old daughter, whose father is dead. OW lives with her parents and doesn't really seem to have a lot of responsibility. She is bound and determined that she wants my husband and in the 4 months they have been seeing each other he had loaned her the $$ to get her car refinanced and also lent her money for other things, which is totally out of character for him. I think she may think she has found a sugar-daddy, cash cow and he has even made the same remark, but yet continues to pursue her... This is so hard!