She can function well enough to take college courses and pass them with A's....
She can function well enough to carry on a relationship outside of marriage, including pursuing an individual through internet searches...
She can function well enough to participate in school functions, like registering children for school...
But because she vascillates back and forth on marriage and committment, MOST OFTEN when FIB actually takes a step AWAY from her....she has mental health issues that preclude her from being held to normal human standards of decency?
I mean really, I don't mean to come across as a mean-spirited woman basher, but FIB's wife's actions are not random and willy-nilly in my opinion. They are CALCULATED.
What has she DONE to make real her desire to remain in a committed, loving, and devoted relationship to FIB, the man she desires to spend the rest of her life with?
Why is she able to go find a young surfer dude to light her internal fires, but she's only able to express a desire to keep her marriage when her husband suggests he's ready to move on?
There is a fundamental question at work here, and FIB has already asked it.
When is enough, enough? When has the offending spouse gone TOO far, past the point where simply saying "I don't want a divorce" is not good enough anymore?
I'm not suggesting in any way that FIB's wife doesn't have some mental health issues that need dealt with. And by the way, she is in pretty good company, since all of us have been at least close to that position ourselves. But these issues have NOT incapacitated her from anything except her desire for her marriage to this point. And the only reason the marriage is now something that she doesn't want to lose is THAT SHE ACTUALLY THINKS SHE'S GOING TO LOSE IT!
I am NOT an advocate for divorce, despite what some may choose to believe on this board. I hate divorce. I believe it is NEVER something that should be an option for two people who join in a committed relationship with one another. I have expressed to FIB on many occasions the hope that I have had for his marriage. Hope is not the same thing as faith though. Faith is believing without seeing any evidence that something is true. Hope comes when we begin to see at least little pieces of evidence that there might be a chance.
Wanting hugs and kisses now that divorce has been filed for MAY qualify as a little piece of evidence, but after the past two years, there better be a LOT more than that on the way.
You know what? It IS possible for trust to be destroyed. It IS possible to be hurt so badly, and so often, that you lose the desire you once possessed for someone. And it IS possible that sometimes the only way to find peace for yourself in that situation is to move on and find that peace alone.
FIB's choice is HIS choice. But let's not try to guilt him into providing special dispensation for someone who has spent two years doing NOTHING to show that she has an interest in them or their future.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
