Priorities and tests of strength

[Burgbud]

(Corri) When you were married... your W put the kids first and you resented this (is that accurate?) because your wants and needs always seemed to fall way down on the list somewhere...

That wasn't us. I don't remember resenting her putting the kids first, in fact her dedication to the boys is something I really respect about her (maybe the only thing at this point, but I'd have to think about that). I also don't remember complaining very much about my needs not getting met...it was more her complaining that her needs weren't getting met and me complaining that she had limitless needs.


While you were M... would you have missed a band concert or two if that meant you and your W were going to have really hot sex?

No. Our M wasn't sex starved until the very end. We had a bit of a drive imbalance (Five times in two weeks is about right for me, once a week was perfect for her) but about three years before the bomb she commented that the sex was the only thing keeping our M together. During her affair she saw our sexual history much differently, but you see what I'm saying.

I followed Heather to SSM from Infidelity. Having an SSM isn't a particular complaint of mine. Our most significant sexual issue was wide bandwidth vs. narrow bandwidth.


Now that you are not M, hot sex will never come before a band concert. Now that you are single, you have this very firm stance that the kids come first... before R's, other people... whatever... why does your marital state change this?

I wouldn't have missed a band concert for hot sex while I was married, but I might have missed one if I had to work or whatever and I knew my W was going to be there, so the kids saw that they had support. Now that she and I aren't a unit I have to demonstrate my support and interest separately.

ETA:

Plus, I only have them four days out of every twenty-one so that time and any extra time I can get is a precious commodity.