Loving a WAS isn't easy

[mymonkeybug]

I am working everyday on GAL and finding peace with God in all of this. I prayed to him lastnight while I cried hysterically. H calls every night at 7:30 to say goodnight to the kids and ask about their day, etc...well lastnight D5 was having a hysterical crying session and nothing he could do on the phone would calm her because she wanted him HERE to kiss and hug and he I know was dieing inside over this and to stop it all he said, "Well baby you're just gonna' have to deal with it!!!" OMG, I lost it but handled it much better than I would have a month ago. I told her she needed to say goodnight to daddy and go to bed so she did. I then sent him a text and asked him to please stop saying to either of them to just get over it because the pain they are in can't just be gotten over. See a month ago I would have put her to bed then called him and cussed him out, reamed him a new one and reminded him that the family he left behind have hearts that are broken and that we can't just get over it and walk away like he did. I am proud that I didn't do any of that. He replied with a text of OK then I prayed to God aloud downstairs for about 15 minutes crying the entire time asking him to walk with H daily and keep him safe, help him realize his place is home with us, help him to not make mistakes by resorting to alcohol or drugs or sex with other to numb the pain he is in, etc...all the things most of us here probably pray for then I also prayed for God to help the kids through their pain and to continue to give me the strength and patience I need to stand for the reconcilliation of my M. I then went back and started to reread Bob Steinkamp's book about the Prodigal's Perspective.

I realize my H is in deep hurting but also puts on the false happy facade when here and with the kids. I just have such a hard time understanding a WAS's actions. If they hurt so badly and know we will welcome them with open arms and love unconditionally why don't they just come home???? I know there are answers to that in Steinkamp's books but damn just come home so we can all heal.

I have a girlfriend who is supportive of what I am doing and has also been researching and sharing with me as she finds things that feels may be helpful. She is reading some book and I can't remember the name but it talks about adults in a section that suddenly feel like life has slipped them by and they have amounted to nothing, etc...sounds much like MLC and how she feels much of it is deep seated within these individuals as a result of childhood and the way they were or were not raised and the experiences they had and didn't have as kids. It makes sense. If I can remember the name of the book I will post it but there is only a small chapter on that subject the rest is more of self help stuff.