i still cannot believe that i am in the situation that i am. it completely spun out of control...
THAT, my dear, is THE very problem.
You may want to visit a web site called Marriage Builders, if you have not been there before. Visit the Articles section, maybe the discuss forums... it is an excellent site.
The thing you really need to 'get' is that you are not entitled to a great marriage, great passion/desire, or great sex. And when those things are absent, you are not 'entitled' to go find it somewhere else. Your life 'spun out of control' because you made some very, very poor choices. You are not the first, and you won't be the last. You just have to learn how to stop doing that.
This doesn't make you a bad person, it means you are sitting nice and comfy cozy in "The Center of the Universe" chair, where everything 'is all about you.' (Sigh... I miss that chair sometimes...) And doggone, it is really HARD to get out of a chair you don't even know you are sitting in...
All of this is HARD, sweety. And it's all going to continue to be hard, until one day, it isn't so much. You have a lot of work, and a lot of learning to do... so... start on that site I mentioned... and there are some other really great books (including Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy) that will teach you about the art of relationship.
Stick around. Stay strong... keep posting and venting... just be aware that you are going to get HONEST response to your HONEST posts, and it would help a great deal if you toughened up your skin a bit...
