I accussed him of having an affair with this OW because I saw the chat. H says that she's a friend and client and that nothing happened or ever will with her. The chat was a low moment of his life and he feels like crap for it. I believe him.
I wouldn't believe him. There is a very good chance that this "friend and client" is emotionally more than that to him.
That's not to say that confronting him, getting angry, making accusations, or worrying about it will help you out. But I think you had a right to feel the way you did. And I also think, based on my experience with so many of the stories on here, that this kind of thing is often a catalyst behind suddenly stating you are no longer in love. Sure, he might not have been entirely satisfied with the marriage, who is, but an emotional attachment to someone else seems to precipitate ILYBINILWY with a remarkable degree of regularity.
Anyway, the advice: You'll have to focus on several things. Don't be crushed by this (or at least don't let it show at first). It's unattractive to show how devastating this is to you. Be strong. Work on the issues that plagued your marriage...you probably have some ideas what those could be. Work to make your life as happy and fulfilling as possible. Find your happiness and he might just want to share in that with you. Enjoy the blessings that you do have. Focusing all your attention on him really doesn't do all that much to woo him back. He has to see someone that he wants to return to of his own free will. It's okay to give yourself permission to selfishly focus on yourself and your child.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
