I actually stumbled across this website and technique about 3 or 4 days ago. After lurking for these past few days and reading all about what goes on with Divorce Busting I realize it's the best option for me and saving my R.
Let me fill you in on what's happened over the past 2 to 3 weeks but has been going on for about a year or more.
For the past year or so H has been gradually spending less time with us (Me and D) and more time with friends. Of course I reacted with nagging, complaining and guilt which of course did not work and made matters worse. On 30/01/08 I found a transcript of a chat between H and a client. The chat had been saved in H computer. I said nothing to him at the time but then he dropped the bomb on 01/02/08 that he was leaving home, he wanted a divorce and that he has felt uncomfortable here for a long time. I accussed him of having an affair with this OW because I saw the chat. H says that she's a friend and client and that nothing happened or ever will with her. The chat was a low moment of his life and he feels like crap for it. I believe him. I know he has been faithful and will remain faithful until we divorce. He has agreed that it was unethical to get involved in any way with a client and has agreed to assign her to another collegue.
The problems in our R seem to repeat over and over again. I know that I try to micro manage his life and that I complain and nag about the silliest things. He hates that I snoop and feels that I have never trusted him
He gave me the IDLYA and havene't for a long time speel. We haven't been intimate for almost a year. He says there is nothing for him besides D at home and when he looks at me he only sees the mother of his D. I am devastated. I knew we had problems but I thought he loved me.
When he said he wanted a divorce I cried, pleaded, whined for a whole week...you name it I did it! When I came across this site and another book called "Stop Your Divorce" I knew what I had to do...agree with him, let him go, no more crying and begging.
He comes and goes now but rarely sleeps at home (his parents live close) D is beginning to wonder what's going on (she's 6YO)he doesn't want to "talk" to me so I just keep up the happy talk. I try not to call or Text him like before. I try to give him the space he obviously needs.
I don't know really where to begin the DB techniques and I need some help.
Thanks for reading my post.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
