No Expectations 4

[peacetoday]

Thanks girls
NA you are right PMA all the way!
UD I so love it that we are doing this together
NG yes intuition its all we have and truthfully I been relying on it all year it brought me this far and my relationship with God

Had a weird dream last night
seemed so real
I was at this group session and H came and then disapeared -His wacko therapist ran the group- only she was so short in the dream
then I was driving with this girl.
she was the fiance of the friend my H supposedly lives with
she took me to H house and said he really lives there (IN DREAM)
Ive often wondered if he does?
and she said he was like the dead watcher over the house while she and friend lived at her house..he was like stone she said in the dream
he is numb in real life thats how they can shut it down just numb

peace

[Tipper]

Peace,
Don't the dreams/nightmares stink. I have them all the time and they are almost never good and I wake up every morning or sometimes several times through out the night in panicking sweats. I hate sleeping now and it used to be one of my favorite things to do.

Trust in your intuition, we all have that gut feeling one way or the other, and I agree that when it is finally time to throw in the towel we will just know it. Hopefully we can all outlast that giving up type of feeling, and DB till the cows come home.

My H has also changed his wording every time he has told me that he needed/wanted to leave. He can't even keep his own reasoning straight.
First it was because he was an angry alcoholic, then it was becuase I caused his bankruptcy, then it was becuase I never supported him, then Because I wouldn't find new friends to hang out with & I am too tribal, then because I didn't give him enough sex, then cause he has a new found confidence in his new business and doesn't have the time or energy to work on the marriage, and his latest reason he gave me is because he felt he was suffocating. Talk about confusion. They are all completely out of their minds due to depression.
At one point, he visited me last summer I called him on it and said to him: "I don't even think you know the real reason you are leaving me, and that you cant even put your finger on it yourself" this infuriated him. He started to call me names (even a lesbian) and I told him to leave then and there.
I guess we all just have to put up with their craziness as long as we can, but it really helps to stay busy and to GAL (like doing your line-dancing). Keep it up and good for you, enjoy it!
TIPPER

[Upside]

Hi pt-
Interesting dream...I don't dream about my H very often or at least I ususually don't remember them. I think you are just getting the message about where your H is in all of this. It is just going to take time...<sigh>....lots of time...

You sound like you are doing so well...getting stronger all the time and not letting your H affect you. So, I'm here cheering you on...go peace!

<3
Upside

[peacetoday]

Hi
I just got this book the prodigals perpective by bob steinkemp
really good talking about how the prodigal our H think and feel
But
Its a lilttle different then DB
heres an example:
The lord directed charlyne( from charlyne cares) to call me the H
and ask forgivenss for her part in our marriage failing. during that call, she briefly explained her stand. something like Ill be sitting home waiting for you until im 80 years old but if you wait until then youll miss the best part..If you have not been there you cannot imagin

[peacetoday]

Hi
I just got this book the prodigals perpective by bob steinkemp
really good talking about how the prodigal our H think and feel
But
Its a lilttle different then DB
heres an example:
The lord directed charlyne( from charlyne cares) to call me the H
and ask forgivenss for her part in our marriage failing. during that call, she briefly explained her stand. something like Ill be sitting home waiting for you until im 80 years old but if you wait until then youll miss the best part..If you have not been there you cannot imagine how much relief that brings to a prodigal spouse knowing the person you once M, but now trying futilet attempting to forget is not going to forget you
how di Charlyne demonstrate her stand?
above all, I could no longer push her buttons
what do you think?
peace

[2ndnoah]

Hang in there Peace. Concentrate on you. Focus on you. You have a great attitude. We all have good days and bad. Keep doing what you are doing. He will wake up someday and realize what he has done and will miss the life he once had. Look forward to that day and it will get you through the hard times. I have this saying that seems to get me through some of those times. It goes like this.....If God brings it to you....He will get you through it.

I wish my hubby would come home. I miss him so. It is hard to use some of the techniques in the book when he has absolutely nothing to do with me. I hate this. I really hate this. I am so lost in every decision I seem to make since this all begin. Why is this happening? I hate MLC. I just wish hubby would wake up and realize what he is loosing. He has caused so much damage to our family. I just want the pain and hurt to stop for not only me but my boys.

When I use to smile, my whole face would light up. Now, my light is gone. I am a different person. One I do not recognize. Even my students will ask me what is wrong and why I look so sad. I have lost 54 pounds (size 4). My co-workers will say.....Girl your body looks great.....but your face and eyes are so sad. I don't want this. The hurt is so hard. I hate this!

[peacetoday]

^

[kikifree]

I think NOT pushing buttons is right.

That means we have changed enugh NOT to let what they do cause a reaction out of us.

We then know we can control ourselves.

Which in turn means , they cannot control us.


just my humble opinion. Thank you for always ncouraging me.

And thank you for your input on that book. i have alays been curious about it!

[Upside]

Hi peace-
The book sounds interesting. Hopefully I am understanding your post correctly...let me know if I'm not. I am sure that telling your spouse that you will stand for the M regardless of what they do, will take pressure off of them...but wow...I don't think I could follow through with that one. Now as far as not being able to push our buttons, I think that is a great way to show our spouses that we have grown and accept them for who they are.

Let me know if the book is worth getting. I am always looking for more information to help get me through this.

Hope you are doing well.

<3
Upside

[Nature Girl]

Peace,

I haven't read that book either. What is the story? How long was he gone?

I get that we have to think in terms of years and not months here, but I don't think I could honestly say that I'll sit at home waiting until I'm 80. Maybe it's the "sitting at home waiting thing". That sounds so pathetic - so I hope its a little out of context and she was really out there GALing while staying committed to her marriage vows.