Finding my way out of the dark

[missmyfriend]

I know it is hard to act "as if" everything is fine. So much hurt has come your way. Believe me, I understand. I know how hard it was for me to look at my W and act as though what was happening wasn't bothering me. I failed many times. It seems like I would cry easily. I began to realize how it was another form of trying to get her to change. Before I would tell her what she was doing wrong and how she was hurting me and the children. The crying was a non-verbal way of saying the same. All it did was frustrate her and me. I could not see how she could still treat us all that way.

When I stopped arguing with her and stopped crying, she got even more mad at me. I think she was looking for a reaction. I still did not give her one. I did walk away once when she was telling me how she was giving up everything and I was going to end up better off than her in this.

Now, we are starting as friends again. I expect her to get mad at me again but I feel better not getting upset. I don't want to go back to that because it is such an emotional upheaval. When I am alone and thinking about her, I only cry out to God to help me be strong, to have Him be my strength to see my family get through this, restore her to Him and to the rest of the family.

Mishka, yes, you are being impacted by what he is doing to you and your S but this, believe it or not, is his problem and he needs to work through it. There is nothing you can do, outside of litigation, to make sure you are fine financially. Think long term. If you set this tone, it will be so difficult to resurrect a friendship with him again.

What I did to get past the hurt and anger was to not look at what she was doing but all the wonderful things she did with me and for me in our life together. I told myself the same things I told our children. Do not concentrate on what she is doing now but on who she was. The most wonderful mother and wife to our family.

If you can get there Mishka, you should feel much better about yourself and the situation. He, and the circumstances, will have much less control over you.

I am praying for your family Mishka.