sgctxok....I'm listening.....

[Jeanette1120]

Thank you FIB for listening and trying to understand where I was coming from. I appreciate it very much. I truly am just trying to understand and help.

Ok...

I have told her in the past that I cannot do a separation and dangle another year in the breeze when she had two years now..two years and three indiscretions to know what she wanted. I also told her that my L told me that separation was NOT in my best interest if there was no hope for reconciliation.

As far as my mind can see it. If your done your done. Then your attorney would be correct. But if you ARE NOT DONE, then seperation would be the BEST option. You get a break from the constant being with her, she gets her chance to do what she says, she gets her chance for action. She gets the chance to be totally responsible for her actions. Her. Not you. Her.

I have definatly decided that it is much easier to NOT LIVE with the person. Even tho I do not get much contact, I know he needed the space, I also know I could NEVER function normally with him being here. It would have taken it's toll on me far more than it already has.

Neither one of us would have been given the opportunity to grow, change, learn, appreciate or understand.

Uhm, option #2....will definalty require some "alone" time for her to even begin to understand this. She will not be able to read those 9 pages and do it with you sitting there watching her every move. I would be afraid of failing so bad that I would drive myself NUTSIER trying to do it with you constantly looking for any mistake I made....

Sorry FIB for you being in this ugly position in life. I truly am. I am just looking for a different way. I can see you dearly loved your wife once, I can see you hold a lot of mistrust in her and it will take a lot to get it back.

So again I have to say this, and I can only say it as it has been my experience. Divorce solved NOTHING. Everything has remained the SAME as when we were seperated. You on the other hand can make the change before the divorce by trying the seperation first you are in the opposite position of where I was....you are open to change, Rich was not seeing it. You might be able to see it and restore it before it hits the divorce court.

I say this only if this is what you WANT to try. Trying is what we have been doing for so long now. I'm tired of trying also FIB, but for some reason I'm just not quite done yet.

Hugs

Jeanette