Our problem wasn't that we didn't define ourselves but rather that we didn't define us as a couple. We were more parents and individuals.
That's us, too! So now I am going out even more without him and it feels like we are distancing even more.
In our case, my H's parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and my father had three wives, a kid with each, in three decades!
I am the one who values our M not just because we have a good R (with problems of course, all do), but for the sake of our kids and because we made a commitment. I have been surprised by my own conservatism in this regard, as I am a very liberal person in general.
My H and I are worlds apart as far as our childhoods. His was very tame, no loss, no major problems. Mine was full of loss, suicide, alcoholism--just pain, pain, pain. Sometimes I think H is doing this to us to create some drama in his life. I want to avoid putting myself (and my kids) through this kind of angst. It is bringing up so much stuff for me--feelings of abandonment and worthlessness--that I can barely get through the days lately.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
