ACJ, I don,t think Ellie actually said this "How does saying 'Ok I agree, go marry your OW' show that you love someone? Isn't that just telling them that they were right about you all along, that you never did care about them?"
So how can you actually prevent a D? delay it yes but at what cost to you and your kids. I think you and your H have still a long road to travel before change hapens in either of your perceptions. This is hard but if you really mean what you say about no contact, finaly letting go etc, stop doing the things you are doing and concentrate on you. Your conversation with your son re his comments to his Dad about D was more of the same old ACJ but tempered with the atitude of I am going to listen to my kids! Would you give your H a D because your kids think its best? You still used conversations with son to contact H achieving what? I am sorry you are in such pain but maybe if you stop going down cheeseless tunnels as they say you may find a chink of light. I doubt very much as well as to how you have harmed your children I should think they know you well enough by now and as Ellie points out some of it is normal behaviour for kids. Take care.
