Beginning again like a newbie

[ACJ]

Ellie,
That's uncanny. I've been thinking about you a lot in the last few days!

Gosh 10 months since reconciliation. It only seems like yesterday. I'm so pleased for you. Are you going to get your new ring blessed?

You are right about the teenager issue. One thing I do regret though is buying them all televisions for their bedrooms. If anyone has young children and is considering this DON'T DO IT.


'when you are ready the D will give you peace'

That is what I am struggling with. To be D to me means that I would have given up. I know fighting it is not getting me anywhere BUT what's the alternative apart from giving in? How does saying 'Ok I agree, go marry your OW' show that you love someone? Isn't that just telling them that they were right about you all along, that you never did care about them?

'Your H is way down the MLC path and sometimes you have to lose something completely before you can see what you are missing'

This I do agree with b/c it's what keeps me standing. I know I took my H for granted even after he came home last time. However I don't think my H will ever feel that he lost me quite simply b/c he doesn't want me. In his mind he quite literally breathed a sigh of relief when he walked out of my door at 7pm on 24th November 2005 and has not looked back since. He didn't loose me, he threw me away.

This just me journalling by the way. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need to get all this fear out in the open before I can face the lion's mouth.