She's Gone - No Contact

[NikB]

Hey K,

Sheesh yes I left out an important detail on #2 being my SIL's opinion. Sorry! I lost that when I cut/pasted somehow.

The obsessive part.. I say it because I see it in myself, too.. you're thinking about everything you do in terms of what it'll do for your R with her? Or seems like it, anyway. It may just be that it's only when you post here, but is your R (or hope for an R) part of every decision you make?

Yep.. we ALL want our spouse back.. the obsessive comes in when it's your main focus. If it's "I'm doing XYZ because I like it and it's part of what I want in my future" (and oh yeah hopefully spouse is interested too) that's one thing. If it's "I'm doing XYZ because it may bring spouse back to me" that's another.

It's a tiny example but after my H left the first time I started getting my nails manicured/polished regularly. I liked that.. it felt like "me." Then, I got a "pink and white" acrylic set of nails (what OW had and H had commented on). I did it "for" him and I hated it. It NEVER felt like "me" but I told myself I was going to keep those nails no matter what if my H liked them. Silly.. but at the time it made sense. He DID like them but I hated them, it wasn't me... it felt SOOO good when I finally got rid of them and went back to being me.

I DO think testing the waters is a good idea in a month or so (March 1 may be good) - I just meant don't put everything on hold waiting for that date and the "perfect" thing to say.

Definitely hang onto that hope, but move on as well.. it's a fine line for sure, we've all been there.

(((K)))