I gather that W is just not interested in anything that would give the appearance that she and I are working together ... on anything .. even if that were to help our children.
Andy, thanks for your insight. I believe you're right. I need to just let her go, move on without her.
I talked to W this morning. I called her mobile phone to speak to the kids, but she said that she had already left the house and I could call the home phone to speak to them. I said okay and good-bye, but before I could get off the line she tried to engage me in a few words.
She asked whether I had gotten her email. I paused and said, "Yes, I did... ... what about it?"
W asked me again what I was trying to prove by putting S7 on the phone with her Saturday morning. I told her she knew exactly what the message was I was sending. She then told me I needed to be less cryptic. I replied that she was being unfaithful.
W then started to try to explain to me yet again her "excuse" for where she was and what she was doing this past weekend. I stopped her and told her I really wasn't interested in her explanations. I knew enough about what really went on, and I was no longer interested in entertaining her lies and deceit. I told her she was continuing to insult my intelligence when I know the truth already. I've already been hurt enough and now she was heaping insult to injury.
She still, even now, keeps trying to cloak her misdeeds in her fog bank. "We're just friends, blah ,blah, blah..." I started to get a little testy with her, and the volume of my voice began to rise. I apologized for that, and then she asked what it was I wanted from her.
I told her I wanted from her, if nothing else, the truth, but I told her that it was something she was simply unwilling to give. I told her she knows that I value honor and honesty and truth and integrity. But she had proven incapable of it.
W then asked what I wanted with it, the truth. I asked her to clarify. She then said, "Are you intending to use this to take the kids away from me?"
I paused and then said, "No. In all honesty, no, I am not. I love S7 and S3, and they both love and need their mother. I would never harm them by taking their mother away from them. And you know that my word is my bond. I honor my promises, my commitments." "But," I continued, " You have to understand that S7 and S3 also love and need their father too. And I don't have a lot of trust in your words or actions or deeds. Your ability to be trustworthy is very much in question."
W wanted to then turn the focus back onto the meeting with the mediator on Feb 22nd. I told W I had serious reservations about using this particular attorney for mediation, but on the given date we will see then whether this mediator will be acceptable to me. W then tried to assure me that if I brought my terms in to this meeting we could try to work out something agreeable to the both of us. I'm not holding my breath.
There were a lot more words said, mostly R talk, unfortunately. W said again she just cannot stand to talk with me, let alone be around me. She was not interested in counseling for that reason, and she did not want to give me any "false hope."
I told W that I may have had some false hope in the beginning of this crisis, but now I have few illusions, so don't worry about that. I told her at one point that I was done with her, and couldn't bear the pain of the person she had become.
I said a lot of anti-DB things, but I don't care. The odds of my W ever 'warming" to me are extremely remote.
