It feels good- it really does. Of course, I so wish H were with me - he would love it. But he is where he needs to be right now and in the future who knows. (Ha ha, maybe for me how long I do this will depend on how long I can stay celibate ... not interested in breaking any world records... though I might already be close! )
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
oops, backslid a bit this morning. my H contacted me for the first time on the Skype IM . I got to see his full profile and pic. It is of course with a pretty girl and of course I asked. strange convo. he was still drunk from a night out. it is not his gf.... then how sad to have to use her pic on Skype. he said he had 100s with different woman and did I want to see them all (jokingly). I was so dumb to get sucked into all of that dynamic. I said I was just curious- esp since I love psychology. (he got that hint) he said he doesnt choose he is a free spirit .... ongoing theme... I told him I beleive that even being a "free sprit" is a clear choice in my opinion. (i know, i know, i should have just acted as if or whatever)
i handled it fine and turned on the charm but we kept slipping into volitile topics. i think it is the virtual aspect. In the end it was ok. I am ok with the whole thing.
I mean , honestly I think it is sad and pathetic. i am not jealous what I am is discouraged. he is just so messed up . it makes me wonder why I bother to hope. and it is kinda sad to see him reduced to this. he is such an amazing guy and has so much to give and there is now the vomitting drunken party animal that has to show off pics to anyone (he was in Skypeme mode where anyone can contact him in the world) . t is like he needed that pic of him and that girl to make him interesting to others. Ah well.
Sorry for the toxic rant but it just got to me.
Things here are great. I got a fancy pink cell phone and saw my apartment yesterday. I am excited .
ok, off to orientation at work.
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
a thought. he is not asking me about japan and how it is. i think I have to keep in mind that he is in denial that I am gone, in denial that I am living my dreams etc.
just a thought brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
((brava)) You are probably right that he won't ask you about Japan. It's either denial or he is just so full of himself that he doesn't know how to care about another person.
That picture on his profile with a girl, he knew you would see it, wouldn't it have been odder that you didn't ask? I don't think you were dumb at all, you just relocated half way across the world to spend a year in a new country. Cut yourself some slack girl!
PINKphone? that sounds very girly.
I asked my H if he had time for lunch today. In the past he would have vehemently said NO without a hesitation. He actually thought about it for a few seconds and then said no. It was soooooooo much softer. The little things that keep me going, jeesh.
Keep in touch whenever you can. Thrive in your new environment!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
thanks, WCW. Yes, I have to cut myself some slack. Indeed he said: I KNEW you would ask. I wonder if he even changed it to that pic just before contacting me. You can only see the pic of your contacts and he wasn't one of mine before.
As for the girly phone.. totally. The women are so girly here (but strong). it is a good environment for me . It is one of the parts of me I have been softening over the years. I got so "tough" with my M over the years. It is also how I saw my mom be with my dad my whole life . Anyway, a little giggly girliness is good for me!
I think the hesitant soft "no" from your H IS important. There IS a change going on .
I will be off email for awhile after tomorrow. (Brief peeks at work or at an internet cafe.) Then I will hopefully be hooked up at home.
sayonara!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
thanks, WCW. Yes, I have to cut myself some slack. Indeed he said: I KNEW you would ask. I wonder if he even changed it to that pic just before contacting me. You can only see the pic of your contacts and he wasn't one of mine before.
As for the girly phone.. totally. The women are so girly here (but strong). it is a good environment for me . It is one of the parts of me I have been softening over the years. I got so "tough" with my M over the years. It is also how I saw my mom be with my dad my whole life . Anyway, a little giggly girliness is good for me!
I think the hesitant soft "no" from your H IS important. There IS a change going on .
I will be off email for awhile after tomorrow. (Brief peeks at work or at an internet cafe.) Then I will hopefully be hooked up at home.
sayonara!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
I always amaze myself in that I still have all tehse expectations... talk about a slow learner!!!
I am settleing into my apartmentin Kobe. Most days I am onsite at our client about a 15 minute train ride from my house.
About 1 to 2 times a week I willhave to go to Osaka which is about 1 hour door to door.
My students are great. So fun. One woman studies 2 months in Rockford, Illinois ... so she has this bizarre English that sounds really japanese one moment and really Midwestern the next!
H is opening his restaurant sometime around now. Hope it goes well for him....
Of course mre than that I hope he misses me and is miserable knowing I am far away....
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
)
brava