Just a few pointers on DB'ing in my set of circumstances, especially through the darkest days.
- I had to feel out the "situation of the day" and modify my approach to suit it. - there is no one-size-fits-all. - some days I had to stay dim, other days I was able to talk or email multiple times, and she was responsive. - usually, when we had been very close or very affectionate, she was distant or cool the next day. When this started to change, I felt we had made progress. - I firmly believe that if I had "gone dark", I would have lost her...I had to keep that thread of a connection going. - I did do some LRT, and that helped. - I felt that when I pushed her or talked about our future early in the separation, she would pull back and get cool...sometimes I just couldn't help myself. - she said that when we talked about OR, she felt that I was lecturing her. I learned from this.
It isn't over yet by any stretch - we are still living in separate houses. I just want to tell folks what has worked well for us so far.
I'm going to be 50 in 4 months, and I feel like I am 15 again!
BREAKING NEWS: I just got off the phone after a 30 minute convo with W. She said she told her mom that we were picking up the pieces to try again, and that her mom was happy for us. What a huge positive that was, to hear her say that!
